Where it all fits.

It has been a long time since I have visited this, what was my second home for such a long time. Part of me misses it, and part of me doesn't give it a second thought. This was my go to place to get my thoughts out, to vent, and to meet others. Now, I find myself not needing it anymore, although I LOVE what I have gained from our time together. We'll see if I continue to post anything, perhaps with new intentions, but at least I have recorded my journey this far. It is always good to look back.

I have a rare moment right now. The baby is asleep, although I cannot vouch for how long that will last. When he cries, it is difficult for me to not go to him immediately because I am concerned that we should not have any attachment issues. I think I am probably over-responding and causing him to want to be held all.the.time! LOL! ;o)

The dogs are quiet downstairs after the baby and I walked them for about 15 minutes. That is more exercise than they have seen in awhile. The walks have to happen early if they are to happen at all in these temperatures.

The class website is down, so I am unable to do any assignments. Poor me. Oh well. [hear the sarcasm!]

Our transition is going fairly well. It has its ups and downs, mostly connected to my mood. I love being a mother. I love my son. I love my husband. It's just this life being so totally different thing that gets to me at times. It's like everything is upside down, inside out, and backwards. I think about our life four months ago. We knew nothing about anything. Life was its normal 15-year married routine. Just the two of us. As much as I love this, I miss that, too. We had given up our pursuit when God decided to move. Now, life has changed in an instant. We don't drive in to work together anymore. I don't go in to work at all. We don't grocery shop just the two of us anymore. Sometimes, we don't even grocery shop with the three of us. It's more like one or the other of us grocery shops alone. I miss shopping together. We are trying to learn how to make it all work with our new normal, and it is coming along.

I LOVE this picture of the three of us together!

We pulled out the Wii last night while the baby slept behind us in his swing. Even though we hadn't gotten on it in a very long time, it felt a little like normal to me. Oh, and I have lost 6.6 pounds, according to the Wii, since the adoption. This is a good thing, and one I am still fighting to continue. I have not forgotten my old goals. This last week, we stopped at the store together to get just one or two things. Not a big trip, but it felt a bit like normal to me. A new normal. I don't even know why I am sharing all this because I don't want you to think I am ungrateful. I feel so blessed by this gift God has given us. With what He has entrusted to our care. I just need to figure out who I am again. Nothing is the same. A few months ago, we went to work together everyday. We came home from work together everyday. We went shopping together. We traveled together. Every day was the same, as annoying as it could be. Every day was the same, as wonderful as it could be. I miss that.

Well, I hope this wasn't a downer. I just needed to get it out like I used to. If there is anything I have learned in counseling, it is the importance of getting it out.

There is lots more I could say, but I will end with two things.

1. Who am I now?

A wife, mother, daughter and friend. A bad cook who is trying to get better. A former employee. A child of God. Still trying to figure it all out and not lose my identity!

2. A few of my favorite pictures! :o)

A morning out with friends did us a world of good! I am convinced that these two would make a great husband and wife someday. Wouldn't their children be BEAUTIFUL?!?!?!? YES, I am a matchmaker! See... they are looking at each other and everything! Ha! ;o)

My new (to me) chair. Sometimes, I like it, and sometimes, I don't. :o)


Daddy and CTC at church.
Praying that God will draw our son to Himself at an early age.
Sharing the blessing of music that God has given to D.T.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. Until the next time...

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Long time, no chat...

It has obviously been a long time since I have posted. I pray that God will give me clarity because there is so much I want to say, yet nothing I want to say. It may be a bit choppy.

C.T.C is doing well. He likes his new formula, and it agrees with him significantly more than the others did. His 2 month check-up is scheduled (just a tad bit late) for next Monday. According to my scale at home, I believe he is a bit more than 12 pounds. Growing boy!!! :o)

We are adjusting to our new normal, and we love it. I must admit, though, it is very hard! You all knew that, though, didn't you? ;o) It is quite an adjustment, that is for sure, and that is what I want to share with you in this post. God gave me a wonderful opportunity the other week. I took our son to meet a former professor who was familiar with our story. It was so neat how God orchestrated everything. I chatted online with the professor for a minute or two the night before to check his office hours, and he told me that he would be there after 1 p.m. So, after 1 p.m., I stopped by and he was not there. Then, I stopped by a second time later, and he was still not there. I was disappointed but figured that something must have come up. So, I later stopped by one final time, and was so excited to find him there! We chatted a bit, and towards the end of our conversation, he started asking me some questions that I found a bit strange. I knew there was something "to them." Then, he told me that he was currently teaching an intensive class (the one I dropped when we found out about our son) and was looking for someone to assist him with some role plays. He asked me if I was interested. He would be the counselor, and I would be the counselee. I was so excited, and eagerly accepted, but asked him why he asked ME. Then, he shared that he had just prayed that God would direct him to the person he should ask, and then I had immediately arrived at his door. I thought it was so neat that I had tried unsuccessfully to see him twice earlier, but found him there, just after he had prayed. If I had found him earlier, he would not have just prayed. How like God! Amazing!!! :o)

I should stop going on like this and just get to the point, or my son will wake up and end this post quickly. I am trying to let go of my perfectionism.

So, here's the story. I spent 3 mornings doing role plays with my professor for his class, and it was so beneficial to me, as my husband and I adjust to our new roles as parents. Two interesting things. My professor noted that my mind is overwhelmed by multi-tasking. Imagine that! It was also evidenced by him asking me a question and then me immediately forgetting what he had just asked me. Picture it. Sitting in front of 100+ students and my brain just totally shuts down! Ha!

Among other things, my professor suggested some ways of coping. One thing he said about me is that he finds me creative. I thought that was a little odd, but I can see the point that he was making between some poetry I have written in the past and the blogging that I have done. I guess I just didn't see myself as creative. He also suggested that I might want to get a voice recorder to capture my thoughts. I told him there was no way I would do that because I HATE my voice! So, he suggested that perhaps I could write some poetry and include a poem about my voice. Hahahahaha! I truly did not think THAT would happen, but I did try that night. Unfortunately, like I lost my train of thought during our counseling, my brain would not pull together my thoughts, so I let it go and moved on to other things. Later, the next morning, I discovered an application on my iPhone to record voice memos, and I thought, hey, what's the harm! I'll give it a try!

So, I did, and I proceeded to talk to myself for the next hour! Now, that is what I want to begin to share with you because:

1. it's easier than writing feels right now
2. it's real!
3. I can talk while I do other things!

So, tell me what you think!

Totally letting go of my perfectionism right now. Not even going to go back and read over this! ;o)

Phooey! I just tried to upload my audio file, and it does not work! I have to do some research and download a new program to see if this can work. I guess I will just post my audio files when I get it worked out.

Coming soon... (I hope!)


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Moving on...

I mentioned in my last post that I am changing my weight loss strategy.

While I absolutely love, Love, LOVE Livestrong.com and the MyPlate tracking tool, it just wasn't working for me anymore, as evidenced by only a half-pound loss in one month! One of the things that really attracted me to this program in the first place was its ease of use because of its extensive database of foods (even some international ones) and restaurants. I could type in just about anything and I was almost guaranteed to be able to find the nutritional value to count towards my calories for the day. I would have recommended it to anyone who wanted to lose weight.

I still would.

I just can't use it for myself anymore. Once the calculation between my current weight and the amount of weight I wanted to lose each week put me below the magic number of 1200, which you should never go below, I had nowhere left to go and I was hungry all. the. time!!!

So, I've been thinking about it for a while, and the other week, I finally decided that I needed to try something else. I've told myself for years that I would never use this program because I just haven't liked it in the past, but I know people for whom it was working and what I was doing certainly was not working, so I thought, what do I have to lose? Um, weight, obviously! LOL! :o)

So, I did it. I began using the e-Tools at Weight Watchers. No, I am not going to meetings. That is definitely a reason that some people choose Weight Watchers, but they are not for me. I like that the e-Tools are very similar to what I was already doing at Livestrong.com, except that it is based on a different formula and there are several very different premises. Honestly, Livestrong fit very well into my lifestyle, while Weight Watchers feels more like a diet. I really don't like that, but it is probably what I need at this point. Livestrong allowed me to lose 30+ pounds without really changing any of my bad habits. I could eat bad things. I could avoid good things like fruits and vegetables if I didn't feel like eating them (I am really not a fruit and vegetable person). I just had to limit my portions, and I could easily stay within my calorie range for the day. Alas (sigh), that time has come to an end. Like I said, Weight Watchers feels more like a diet, and that is good right now. I need the structure. I need a reason to not make bad food selections. I need a reason to make good food selections.

It's been a fairly smooth transition for me, and I can already see some changes in my level of behavior modification (come on... you know I had to throw that counseling term in! LOL! :o)). I have stopped choosing some foods that are just more points than they are worth to me. Also, in the past week-and-a-half, I have eaten more fruits and vegetable than I probably have in the past year! Why, you ask??? Well... they are FREE on the new Weight Watchers PointsPlus program. That's pretty good incentive to eat them, right? I mean, if you are hungry at 9 p.m. and are out of calories on the Livestrong program, you have two choices: 1. exceed your calories or 2. go to bed hungry. If you are hungry at 9 p.m. on PointsPlus, you can have a banana and actually be able to sleep well that night. Well, I was tired of being hungry, so this program made sense for me.

I'll admit, I am still not 100% sold on it, but I am going to give it a fair shot. I am trying it for a month, and we will see where I am at the end. Perhaps, I will even finally meet my initial goal of 34 pounds before April and the one year anniversary of beginning this journey comes around! That would be awesome and allow me to put up a ticker with my NEW goal. I'll tell you what that is when I get there! ;o) Hey, I lost 1.4 pounds this week, and I think that is WAY better than 1/2 pound in a whole month! :o)

Thankfully, I am not letting my relationship with Livestrong die completely. Like I said before, I LOVE their database and the one that Weight Watchers has leaves a lot to be desired. I actually can't find much of anything on it. So, Livestrong will be my consultant. Hey, consulting is a lucrative profession, right? ;o) Yep. When I need to find nutritional information, Livestrong is the place. I can find it all there, and then plug it into the Weight Watchers PointsPlus calculator, which is the bomb! I don't know the formula behind it, but they are using a concept which I started using from the beginning of my journey. Lower fat. Increase protein. Increase fiber. They just ignore the calorie count because, quite frankly, if you do the other three things, the calories naturally fall in line. That's the ticket!

Give 'em a try. Livestrong. Weight Watchers. Paper and pen. Whatever. Just know what (and how much) you are eating!


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

It's about time, C.C.!!!

I know, I know. I've dropped off the face of the earth. I've actually got a lot to say, but I think I will have to break it down into different posts (or at least sections... we'll see!), or I may get all lost and tangled up in my futile attempts to make it all perfect. ;o)

Bread pudding & Dole Whip & Dessert Parties, OH MY!!!
Our trip to Disney was good. Tiring and fuh-ree-zing!!! I'm sure you've heard all over the news that the price of our orange juice might go up because the Florida farmers are losing their crops (is that what it is called on a tree??? Maybe harvest is a better word.) because of the weather. Well, it was seriously cold while we were there. 30's-50's every day. Disney made a killing on gloves, scarves, and sweatshirts. I really did abandon all dieting efforts while I was there, and boy did I enjoy it! Not the meats and side dishes so much. Nope. It was more the SUGAR!!! :o) Yeah. Having a scale with me did positively NO good! I gained 9.5 pounds, which I am now quickly working off. :o( I'll post a few select pics and some video clips as soon as I get a chance to upload them. Christmas time really is AWESOME around Disney!

Class is creeping up on me!
My next intensive class starts in a little over a month, and I have a TON of pre-class work to get done!!! I better high-tail myself into gear! This class and one more will put me at half-way through my program.

Other random things...
I've got a bunch of other stuff floating around my brain right now, but time is short. So, I guess I will just post some things randomly as I get a few minutes here and there. I do have some thoughts I have been investigating and studying about a verse that I am sure y'all are familiar with.



Has this verse ever been special to you in your life? Please, SHARE! :o) I remember LOVE-ing this verse as a teenager when life was so full of possibility. Now, as an adult, it kind of irks me a bit. Just keepin' it real. You know how life can shade the way we see things. So, I decided I better examine the context to see where the writer was actually coming from, and you know what I found? There is a lot more to this verse than initially meets the eye! I'll share soon.

Guess that's it for now. Somebody, please slap me the next time I wait this long to post! I'm amazed I actually still have any followers at all. See y'all later! :o)

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

A quick hodgepodge...

I have been sick for the last two days. Sinus yuck. Better now than in 17 days. Yep, only 17 days until Disney!!! I am getting ready to register for my next two grad classes. Actually, I should have already done this, but ya know... procrastination... busyness... registration hiccups. Anywho. These two classes will put me at 30 credits. Halfway! Goodness, this degree takes a good, long time. I have lost a total of 28.7 pounds. Almost 29! Only 5.3 to reach my goal!!! Hmmm... what else? I really wish this cough would go away. Ya know... the annoying you feel better but cough every two seconds and make everyone think you have some horrible disease cough. Yeah, that one. The dogs did enjoy my presence at home for two days. They mostly relaxed so that I could, too.



Can you tell who is in charge? I'll give you a clue. It's not the big dog who moves aside the protective blankets on the couch because she likes to sleep on the actual couch. Nope. Not her. She doesn't think she is a person, either. ;o)

Embracing His Joy, Hope, & Peace...

Done and relieved...

Intending to enjoy a break from classes for the next 8 weeks.


Embracing His Joy, Hope, & Peace...

Almost done...

I keep trying to post things, but honestly, I have too much else to do.

My class is almost over.

4 more days. 2 more weeks. 2 more discussion board replies. 1 (One) 2 more theory critique. One more paper.

I am SO looking forward to a break. So is my house that is sorely in need of cleaning.

Embracing His Joy, Hope, & Peace...

C.C.
**Blogger is not cooperating with me today and will not post my signature. :o(

Gettin' it done...

Half a One more weekend. 2 more weeks. 2 more discussion board replies. 2 more theory critiques. One more paper.

Cholesterol...

That is a bad word, isn't it? Or, at least, it has become a bad word for some of us. Possibly for the first time in my entire life, I actually initiated and looked forward to having my cholesterol checked yesterday. I made an appointment and saw my doctor for a few minutes. He got to verify for me that while their scale started and stopped on a different number than mine at home, the number of total pounds I have lost matched their records EXACTLY! My weight yesterday was exactly 23.6 pounds less than the last time they weighed me, and that was the number I had, too. Cool! :o)

Anywho.

The reason I made the appointment was because I wanted to see if my cholesterol had come down at all because of my weight loss. Well... guess what??? It did! The dr.'s office was so nice to call me back the same day with the results, and I was thrilled! While my overall number is still high, it did come down four points. Not a ton, but hey, it's something. My LDL (the kind of cholesterol that is supposed to be low, but was too high before) came down 7 points, too. It is still high, as well, but then again, I still have a lot of weight to lose. We talked about that, too. How much weight I should lose. I told him all of the lovely things that people are saying and that everyone thinks I am crazy to want to lose a lot more weight. So, I asked him if my expectations were reasonable, and he said that they were. So, here it is. I want to weigh 120 pounds. Yes, I know!!! That is nuts, right? I need to at least try, though. We'll see what happens.

I shouldn't stop with all that news. There are even better things I found out. For starters, my HDL (the cholesterol that is supposed to be high) went UP 13 points! Now, it is well within the normal range. Woohoo! My ratio between cholesterol and HDL came down a lot, too. It assesses a person's risk for coronary heart disease, and I am now considered normal. Isn't it nice to be normal? :o)

Finally, the best thing of all! At least, I think so! My triglycerides came down a whopping... get ready for this............

61 points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you believe it? Now, that number is well within the normal range again.

So what now? I am going to keep doing what I am doing and then get my levels rechecked in 3 months. I am going to read a book they told me about called The 8-Week Cholesterol Cure. I can't really recommend it because I haven't exactly read it yet, but they said it is helpful. So, we'll see. I have class stuff to finish before I will have the time to devote to reading it. Soon... soon... One more weekend. 2 more weeks. 2 more discussion board replies. 2 more theory critiques. One more paper. Then, I am done and will have a break until January! Phew! More time to devote to raising my HDL with cardio exercise on the treadmill!

I am so happy. :o)

Should I even ask? What is your cholesterol?

Embracing His Joy, Hope, & Peace...

Super long time... no see!

I can't believe how long it has been since I have regularly blogged. Sure, I have posted a little something here and there, but overall, it has not been on my list of top priorities. I've noticed the same thing with some of the bloggers I follow. Perhaps, this thing is dying down a bit?

This current class has really had my full attention, what with all the reading that has had to be done in order to complete the assignments. Some of these books are really life-changing... two things I am learning about myself:

1. I am a people pleaser
2. I am a perfectionist

...and neither one is exactly healthy - emotionally or spiritually. I need to learn how to accept God's strength in my weakness and imperfection and how to set boundaries in my life.

I did discover this last week that I had a few more vacation days available this year that I thought I had already accounted for. So... I took two and got all caught up with my class! Feels good! :o)

***

I am amazed where I am right now in our pursuit to have a child. I guess you really couldn't call it a pursuit anymore. It is more like a ~ if it happens, that would be okay ~ kind of thing. Several months ago, I realized just how much of an idol it had become in my life, and I asked God to please help me to control the overwhelming emotions I had. I've never been the best at controlling my emotions. I don't really know why I should be surprised that He answered my prayer, but He did. The last few months have been filled with few emotions regarding my desire to have a child. It has been nice. Freeing, actually. I have gone back and forth a bunch of times concerning whether or not I think it is a good idea to even move forward at this stage of our lives. I know God is in control, though. Whatever the outcome, HE will do what is best. In the meantime, I am attempting to fill the emotional void I have created in my heart with more of Him. You would think that would be easy, but it is not. It is a discipline.

***

If you happen to think about it today... or the next few days... or the next few weeks... please pray for D.T. He goes to the dentist today at 2 p.m. to have the beginning work for one of his teeth to be crowned. Oh, if that only meant that he was royalty! The one other time he had to have this kind of work done resulted in an incredible amount of pain! Not fun... or convenient considering everything we have going on... right now always! Please pray that God would be merciful to him and alleviate any pain he may have.


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Catching up & quotes that apply...

I have be so incredibly busy the last little while. The class I am currently in has really kept me hoppin'! I grew up loving to read and write, but this one is really stretching my limits. I have a book to read and a theory critique to write every week, along with discussion boards and a significant paper. I feel like I am perpetually running at full speed a few steps behind the bus, and I wonder if I will ever catch up! I'll get through it, but I suspect that I will be exhausted by the time it is over and sorely in need of a break. I think I am going to drop the class I am registered for in the next 8-week term so that I can actually enjoy preparing for Christmas.

Some of the books I have had to read lead me to believe that the authors are out of their minds and really don't have clue. Well, at least one of the books, anyway. The idea behind this class is to examine all the available Christian theories out there and to decide what you can (or cannot, in some cases) glean from each one. The current book that I am reading is really good, and I thought that I would share one quote that I found particularly poignant. Take it for what it's worth. Maybe it will apply to you as well.

"We must let Jesus pilot our lives before we can ask Him to power our changing. He won't barge in and take over, but He enters when invited. Of course, we have to own our responsibilities in the injury-recovery, healing-from-hurts changing process. But, just as there is an unseen, inner energy at work in physical healing and change, God's unseen Spirit energizes our emotional/spiritual changing processes when we let Him. As we do our part, God does His 'inside job' to create
change of eternal significance."
- - - Sandra D. Wilson, Ph.D., Hurt People Hurt People

Isn't that SO true?!?! I imagine that we all have some changes that are needed in our lives. Thoughts. Attitudes. Behaviors. Relationships. Of course, God desires to help us with those changes, but we must be willing to first invite Him to take the control of our lives out of our hands and place it in His sufficiently capable hands. Change is not easy, but praise God that we have His Holy Spirit to guide us through the process and to give us the energy we need to get through to the other side. How about you? Could you use some energy to make the necessary changes in your life?

Well, enough about that for now. It is time for work. I pray y'all have a blessed day.


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Lessons in dog walking...

I was hoping to share some good weight loss news with you this evening, but apparently God has other plans because there is something else He wants me to say. I really need to be doing my discussion board and a paper that is due this Sunday, but I have to get this out.

It is 8:40 p.m., and I just returned from taking the dogs for a walk. Separately. D.T. and I have an agreement. He cooks supper, and I walk the dogs. You see, he just doesn't enjoy the task of walking them because they are pullers, which makes for a most unpleasant experience. I don't have a problem with it, though, because I really don't like to cook. So, the arrangement works for us, as long as I don't walk them together. That, I could not handle, but hey, I need the burned calories from a double walk, anyway.

Tonight, however, was entirely different. The dogs usually aren't that bad for me. A few minutes of pulling, and they typically relax into an enjoyable pace for everyone. Like I said, though, that was not the case this evening. From the first step out the door until we got back, this was probably the worst walk I have ever been on. Ever. Goldie did pretty well, but Ben was HORRIBLE! I thought he was going to rip my arm off. My hand was sore from the leash that was wrapped around it, cutting off the circulation every time he would put his nose to the ground (which was at least every 3 seconds) or lunge at some random leaf. 30 seconds into the walk, I told him that this was going to be a short walk if he kept acting like this. Like he could understand me, or something. On we went. I figured he had to give in eventually.

Not even two minutes later, I figured that I might as well use our walking time to pray, if I could even concentrate enough to think. Immediately, I sensed God speak to me. "You are like him," and I knew exactly what He meant. He was right. I am just like him. I am excited to be going for a walk, and I want to explore every single option along the way. I don't want to go where He is leading. I want to go the direction I want to go. I don't want to go the pace that He is walking. I want to go at my own speed... faster! I don't pay a bit of attention to the car He hears coming behind us or the car He sees turning out of the parking lot in front of us. I'm too busy smelling the ground, chasing leaves, and barking at other dogs I would like to be playing with. I don't realize that the walk would be so much more enjoyable if I just fell into step with my Leader.

I'm not even sure what that looks like, but I want to know. I don't want to pull God's arm off.

I guess I just need to ask Him which way we are walking today. Or, better yet, just walk...

That's all.

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Motivation...

Sometimes, I struggle with motivation. Not what my motivation is, but rather, being motivated to do something. I always start out with really good intentions and typically, the prize at the end is worth whatever it is I have to do to achieve it. You know... like cleaning the house for our home study. If we wanted to be approved, we had to go through the process. Class deadlines. If I want to get good grades and earn my master's degree, I have to do my assignments. Work. If I want to get paid, I have to go. If I want to lose weight and get new clothes :o) I have to exercise and eat well. If I want to have lots of visitors to my blog and make friends, well... I have to BLOG something!

The thing is that I am not always motivated. How about you? Do you ever feel like that? Well, this morning, I jotted down a few fleeting thoughts about this in hopes of blogging about it later. Then, in the middle of our day, we had our first convocation (read: chapel service) of the year, and the speaker talked about VISION. About hit me in the back of the head! LOL! :o) That is totally it! My vision is my motivation, and let's face it, my lack of vision results in my lack of motivation. What does the Bible say about that?

Proverbs 29:18
Where there is no vision, the people perish:
but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.

...or the same verse from The Message:

If people can't see what God is doing,
they stumble all over themselves;
But when they attend to what he reveals,
they are most blessed.

Scary thought, isn't it? It's true, though! When I don't have vision (or motivation), when I can't see what God is doing, I feel like my life is perishing. I find myself stumbling around. Then, that is when I must look back to God and ask Him to reveal HIS vision for me. What He wants me to do. Where He wants me to be.

On the way home for lunch today, I was sitting at a stop light. While the light was still red, I looked in the rear view mirror and quickly snapped a picture with my iPhone. Aren't iPhones great?!? :o) It's not the greatest quality picture, but it reminded me of something I have heard many times before....



...and that is that it is often easier to see God through the rear view mirror than it is to see Him through the windshield. Ok, I know that isn't necessarily the most sound theology. Sometimes, I have, in fact, heard Him speak to me on the front side of things, but I have also found this premise to be true at times. Looking back over my life and experiences, I can see now how God was working, even though I didn't necessarily recognize it at the time.

It is beautiful, though, isn't it? Not just the picture, although I am fortunate to see the beautiful mountains every day! I'm talking about God's work. His hand in our lives, guiding and directing every step, even when life seems messy.

I know I don't want to be a woman who stumbles all over herself... who has no vision... who perishes. I want to be a woman of vision. A woman who attends to what He reveals to me. A woman who is blessed by God's vision for her life.

Over the years, I have definitely had some of my own visions for my life. To be a mother. To be a counselor. To make this recipe... even though the ingredients still sit on my counter a week two weeks after I bought them. To weigh 120 pounds. Stop laughing. I will get there someday! See... I'm motivated! :o) I don't know yet the entirety of God's vision for me, but He is literally speaking bits and pieces into my life right now. Pieces that I am tucking away until I am able to clearly see the whole picture. Or, maybe He will only give me enough for each little step of the way. That would be just like Him, now, wouldn't it!?! :o)

What about you? What vision has God revealed to you? Do share... and don't forget to look in your rear view mirror!

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Yikes!

It is oh-so-short!!!

YIKES!

But I love, love, LOVE it!!!!!

***

I have totally been going in the wrong direction with my diet. I haven't been exercising enough at all because I have been crazy busy with work and class. Plus, I increased my calories because I have been SOOOOOOOOOO hungry for the last two weeks! Not tons. Just some. Like, between 1,400 - 1,800 calories or so instead of 1,200. A normal person eats approximately 2,000 a day, but in any case, it's not doing anything for my scale!

YIKES!

Guess I will need to backtrack. More fiber. More protein. Less sugar. Fewer calories. More EXERCISE!!! Anybody have any tips for fighting hunger?

***

In the meantime, I have 4 days left of class, one final exam, and one paper. Oh, and did I mention, we are celebrating D.T.'s birthday this weekend??? Lots to do. LOTS to do!

YIKES!

After that, my next class starts Monday morning. When I am done with that class, I will have completed 24 credits toward the 60 for the program. More than 1/3 of the way there. Woohoo!!! I will be SO glad when, someday, I will finally have the education to do what God is calling me to. :o)

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

D.T., the therapist...

D.T. loves this commercial. It makes him laugh every time he sees it. He says that when he grows up, he wants to be just like him. Do you think he would make a good therapist? LOL! :o)



I have asked him to please stay away from all my future clients. ;o)


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Memorial Box Monday ~ Sole / Soul Protection!

Welcome to Memorial Box Monday,

as hosted by Linny @ A Place Called Simplicity!



I really liked Linny's post earlier today, because it is a perfect lead in to the thoughts I was already thinking and writing about! :o)

I think that God's protection doesn't just always come in a physical form like keeping you from an accident or providing enough money to meet a particular need, although it often does. I also think that God's protection can come in the form of living, breathing people and can be aimed directly at one's soul. For me, I believe that this, in fact, has been my sole protection throughout this entire journey of infertility and our pursuit of adoption.

There have been many, many, many (I thought it deserved a third many :o)) people who have been my protection through their prayers, presence, and encouragement. I think about C*****, who has been my email encouragement partner in adoption for many months now. I especially like that I got to meet her in person and have lunch with her, her husband, and their fabulous son! I REALLY like how God brought her to me through my blog and my willingness to share! I think about J***, who I only met because we were willing to open up our home to someone we had never met, who was willing to share my pain with her presence, even though there was no way for her to personally understand it. We have said that one day, we are going to open up a counseling practice together and all of our clients will just have to wait while we counsel each other in the back! LOL!!! :o) I LOVE that we were able to visit her beautiful home, her husband, their dogs, and her very spirited little girl! I LOVE that D.T. was able to cook dinner for them in their home! It's the time together! It's the willingness to share!

On to the actual story... just as an example...

This last week, we were SO pleased to receive something very special in the mail.


A response for some feedback very politely offered...




...from one of our favorite date or any occasion places! :o)





...with Hospitality!



Seriously?!?!?!? We were very excited, and decided to make an evening out of it this past Friday. I even said I would cheat. Unfortunately, my appetite does not usually agree with me on the quantity of food I can consume anymore. I didn't fret over what I ate, though. I had my usual. Made with Orecchiette. Lunch size (Good on the wallet)! Half (Good on the calories)! I also sipped a bit of the *NEW* lemonades D.T. ordered... YUMMY!!! We definitely had dessert, too! It was a very special night. Very relaxing.

Then, God orchestrated another bit of soul protection for me. We were sitting in a side booth. The last one in the row. Here and there, people were being seated, and as we were nearing the end of our meal, a couple was directed to the little two-seat table perpendicular to ours. As they passed by our table, D.T. obviously recognized them and introduced me. The man was a third-generation Romanian and could have been D.T.'s brother, if I didn't know any better! They stood by our table and chatted for awhile, and every few minutes, a waiter would glance over at their empty table. After about 10 minutes passed, we decided that they weren't ever going to be able to sit down and order, so we slid over for them to officially join us! We had the best waiter, anyway! :o)

The rest of the evening went by slowly and quickly at the same time. I had never met either of these people before that night, but you know me. That just doesn't matter. I am an open book. It was kind of funny. After D.T. gave his usual menu advice, :o) our conversations diverged. The husbands talked about who knows what while us wives shared our lives. We laughed (so did the guys!)... I cried... what's new?!? LOL! She prayed for me. God knew the decisions I am struggling with and gave me His best advice possible through the lips of this sweet woman.

Now, I have lots of friends. Many old, and some new, but all have been blessings, given to me by our Miracle-working, Mountain-moving, Awe-inspiring, Gasp-giving God! I am so grateful for each person He has put in my life! This week, I am opening up my virtual Memorial Box, and laying inside a drink coaster from our special friend-and faith-filled time at Olive Garden!

Who has God given to be a blessing in your life?

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

A peek into my thoughts...

It has been almost six weeks since I wrote this (or much of anything at all, for that matter), and since we took a small step back from our adoption pursuits. It has been a quiet and reflective six weeks. I thought I would give you a little peek into my thoughts, if you are interested to know them.

It seems to me that much of my life has been spent "in the middle," on the sidelines, or in a perpetual timeout. Perhaps, it is where God has gifted me or where He is able to teach me the most, but in any case, that is where I find myself most often. I am not the person in charge. I am the one shuffling papers. I am not the one making decisions. I am the one following orders. Sometimes, that bugs me. Sometimes, it even makes me angry. Perhaps, a little more now than usual. There is this catch phrase that has been floating around my department at work for awhile now: career path. Do you have one? I know I certainly don't. Or, at least, my career path has been on hold indefinitely for some time now. The fact that other people have one, though, makes me think that I should have one, too. That, because I don't, I am behind. Stagnant. Stuck. Not going anywhere. Unsuccessful. Not contributing. Not worth anything. I am not saying it is true. I am merely sharing how I feel. You know the difference, right? :o)

Well, my career path, for as long as I can remember, has been to be a mother. For some reason that I have still not been able to identify, I have had this need to be a mother. Perhaps it is just because I am a woman, but regardless, you know where we are with that story. More recently, my career path has been to become a counselor. To be able share my experience in a significant way by helping others to face their own challenges. Unfortunately, that requires education which is taking oh-so-much-longer than I wish it would. It doesn't matter, though, because God is really teaching me about myself and Him. With every class that I take, I find those little nuggets of insight into my life, who He is, and His plans for me. I see the truth of what He is doing. Even if I don't like it. Every piece and decision of my life so far has brought me to this place.

In the meantime. Moving forward. I have been thinking... perhaps, it is not such a bad thing if we do not have children. Okay, okay, I know what you are thinking. She is just tired. She doesn't really mean that. She is just frustrated with the wait. Yes, this is all true. However, I am also coming to some well-educated and informed conclusions. D.T. and I have talked about it. We both want children, albeit for different reasons. Yet, perhaps, this is not what God has for us. Perhaps, I need to come to terms with that (and I am getting there). Right or wrong, this is where I am, and I cannot discount God's role in that. I did not choose my disease. I did not choose infertility. While I have made decisions, many imperfect, in the face of those circumstances, this is where God has me at this exact point in time. Facing yet another branch in our road. Lay down our hands? Or continue the pursuit? I'm not sure at this point, but I am still thinking. Still contemplating. Still seeking the LORD.

In preparation for this week's discussion board in my current counseling class, I read the following which gave me reason to pause:

According to Brammer (2004) [here I go again with APA format :o)], "It was only after attempting all possible interventions and realizing that there were no more answers to their questions that the women in [a particular] study began the painful process of relinquishing or revising their hopes and dreams" (p. 245).

...true, True, TRUE!!!

I'll admit we are not quite at the end of all possible interventions. However, we are close, and I am trying so hard to prepare myself for what I fear is inevitable. Our adoption contract began with 30 months. We are down to the last ten. I'm no dummy. I can see the writing on the wall.

Then, I read: "The presence of children can have a negative effect on marital satisfaction" (Brammer, 2004, p. 243). Seriously? Wow, that is a scary thought. Now, I bet if I asked all of you, you would probably tell me that isn't true. Yet, I wonder... do I want to take that chance? Will the marriage we have built and God has blessed change for the negative if we have a child? I mean, I love my husband. I love our marriage. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that. I don't even know anymore what we would do with the change that a child would bring. It's just been so long. Almost too long?

I know. My mind is spinning in circles. I'm probably thinking too much. Perhaps, I should just go to bed. If I can stop my brain enough to sleep. Women... are the rest of you like this? Or is it just me??? :o)

Okay. I'll be done now. Goodnight!

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

References

Brammer, R. (2004). Diversity in counseling. New York: Brooks/Cole.

Tuesday Tidbits

I am a poor excuse for a cheater! Yesterday, I was SO incredibly hungry, and not just for anything random. I was C~R~A~V~I~N~G~ Little Caesar's pizza! D.T. was, too. So, we got one. No pepperoni. Just cheese. You know what??? I ate one piece, and I was full. What in the world!?!?!? I did proceed to eat five crazy bread sticks, anyway, and they were SO good! Even so, I only exceeded my calorie limit by 725. I didn't even eat more than a normal person would in a day, only consuming a total of 1952 calories. Oh, well. I think cheating every once in a while is good. Just get it out of your system, and right back on your normal routine. Works for me! :o)

***
I can't believe this is week three of my class already! So far, so good. Very easy. I will have two papers and one test later on in the course, but other than that, it isn't too difficult.

***
It has finally cooled off a bit here, and we've gotten a touch of rain, off and on. How is the weather where you are?

***
Goldie climbed back into bed with us last night. I knew that our brief respite would be short-lived. Actually, it lasted more than a week. We'll see if she decides the couch is better than we are again...

Have a Happy Tuesday! :o)

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

You might also like:

Random thoughts...

I have noticed that my worst diet days are the weekends. Something about getting out of my daily routine.


This weekend, in particular, was quite bad. My daily calorie goals is 1,259, and these are my net calories for each day, after they have been adjusted for exercise. As you can see, I went a little crazy on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Can you say Nutella?!?!? This is why I am incredibly grateful that I still lost 2 more pounds, for a total of 16.1!!! Woohoo! I don't think there has ever been a time in my life that I have lost 16 pounds. I mean, I've lost a total of 16 pounds over many different attempts, but never in one effort.

***
Have any of y'all been watching Losing It with Jillian Michaels? Oh, my goodness! It is amazing! I think I like it even better than Biggest Loser. It's like the best of Jillian's hard-core motivation along with her more sensitive counseling-like side, coupled with a really significant change in the family by the end of the show. I love it! It motivates me! :o)

If you want to check out last night's episode, just click here. It is really good!

***
I just started a class this Monday. Multicultural counseling. I believe it will be very interesting. This class will put me over the 1/3 mark in my program. Then, I will have 39 more credits to go. 13 more classes! Wow! That seems like a lot. One at a time. Steady on...

***
I am SO glad that we finally have a brief respite from the horrible heat we've been having lately.



It will be was nice to finally take the dogs for a walk again, now that it is not over 90 degrees! I will did enjoy the exercise, and I'm sure they will be they were very happy, too!!! :o)

***
I really enjoyed doing the Memorial Box Monday earlier this week, and apparently, a lot of you enjoyed reading it, too! Isn't God good, and shouldn't we celebrate that His goodness?!?! I know at least one of you asked that I keep doing those posts, and trust me, I intend to. I was thinking, though, I'm not sure how many stories I have to tell. So, I have asked God to bring them to my mind... since I didn't write most of them down at the time... oops. I think we'll fix that, now! :o)

***
Well, I guess it is about time for bed! Um... after I finish some counseling homework.

Nighty-night! :o)


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Grace ~ raising my Ebenezer...

Themes tend to emerge in my consciousness, and I often find them relating to my current experiences. Such is the case with the concept of GRACE. I told you a few days ago that I would share with you soon about a few things, and one of them was God's grace. So, here it is.

It started off when I saw a statement on a friend's Facebook page. He said:

"By not trusting nor understanding
God's grace in my life causes discouragement.
So often I catch myself "trying harder" to grow deeper spiritually,
believing that the harder I try, the closer I will get to God.
This is actually living in bondage.
It's not about how hard I try but it's about His grace!!"

When I read this, I thought about how true it really is. I DO find myself discouraged so often because I place the focus on trying to control my own circumstances (which I can't) instead of accepting God's grace to work out His perfect plan (which He can!).

Then, the other day, D.T. and I were in the car listening to the new CD we received from Women of Faith. Let me tell you, it just keeps getting better and better! I really like it! :o) Anywho, we were listening specifically to the song "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" and having a conversation about the verse that says:

Here I raise my Ebenezer,
Hither by Thy help I’ve come;

We certainly don't talk like that these days, and we wondered about the meaning behind it. So, I looked it up. D.T. actually recalled a bit about it, but it was all new to me. I found a good explanation here, so if you have a few minutes you might want to read it. If not, though, here it is in a nutshell. Ebenezer refers to the stone the prophet Samuel set up (1 Samuel 7:12) as an altar to remember how God had helped the Israelite nation to secure a victory over the Philistines in battle. So, to say "Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thy help I've come." is to acknowledge God's help and victory in one's life.

That is what I would like to do today. There have been several more recent instances of God bringing His grace to my attention, but I won't go on about those. The point is that I recognize that God has been incredibly gracious to me. He has given me far more than I deserve. He has also been merciful, in that He has NOT given me what I DO deserve. For both of these, I am SO grateful. He is so good to me, despite the fact that I am not good to Him. In fact, I have realized in this last week or so that having a child has become an idol for me. So, when I realized this, I asked Him to help me. To put aside this idol. To help me control my emotions, because I can't. From my studies in counseling, I understand that I can control my behavior, and even my thoughts. Unfortunately, my emotions are another story entirely. I cannot control them. So, I asked God to help me, and He did. So much so, that I am actually rather numb to my feelings at the moment, and I guess that is a good thing. I am not saying that we won't have a child some day. We MAY, but I need to separate myself from it for a while. Up until the other day, it had become more important to me than God, and that is not right. I guess I could lie and say that God is more important, because that is the spiritual thing that I should say, but it's not true. He wasn't more important to me, or at least I was not doing or saying anything to acknowledge His importance. Quite the contrary, actually.

I guess a good example of all of this is the story of Abraham and Isaac. God knew that Abraham loved his son, but He also wanted to see how much Abraham loved Him. Did he love Him more than his son? Would he put aside his desire for his son in order to do what God asked? Well, Abraham passed the idol test, but right now, I am FAILing miserably. So, until I can get my priorities under control, I could use y'all's help. I am going to make a few minor changes to my blog in the upcoming days. I am going to temporarily take off everything related to our pursuit of a child. I guess that's not really much. Just the small picture I have on the right that talks about when we submitted our adoption profile. The way you could help me, though, is by not asking me about it... here online... in the hallways. In Sunday School. Wherever. I know it's my fault that people do ask me, because I've put it out there. It would just be easiest right now in order to help me put it aside. Ask me about something else in my life. Tell me about your life. Just help me to not only be the "person waiting for a baby." There really is more to me than that. I promise, if something happens that is worthy of an update, I'll post it. I promise!

You know, I had a conversation with a friend the other day, and I told them that I don't really want to be like Sarah and Abraham, in that I don't want to be really old parents. My friend, though, pointed out how much faith Abraham had and that it really wouldn't be such a bad thing to pattern myself after him. I argued, though, ('cause I enjoy it ;-)) that Abraham did some really stupid things in his lifetime, too. So, I'm not sure. Sure, Abraham had faith, and Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son, but he also stepped ahead of God's plan, a decision we are all still paying for today. Oh, well. I digress.

I guess that's about all I have to say for the moment. Do any of you have an Ebenezer in your life? A time when God helped you to secure victory over a battle that you were facing? Please, do share! :o)

Thanks for listening to all this, and thanks for understanding.

Oh, to grace
how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be;
Let that grace now like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;
Prone to leave the God I love.
Here’s my heart, oh, take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE..