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Friday, July 29, 2011

Where it all fits.

It has been a long time since I have visited this, what was my second home for such a long time. Part of me misses it, and part of me doesn't give it a second thought. This was my go to place to get my thoughts out, to vent, and to meet others. Now, I find myself not needing it anymore, although I LOVE what I have gained from our time together. We'll see if I continue to post anything, perhaps with new intentions, but at least I have recorded my journey this far. It is always good to look back.

I have a rare moment right now. The baby is asleep, although I cannot vouch for how long that will last. When he cries, it is difficult for me to not go to him immediately because I am concerned that we should not have any attachment issues. I think I am probably over-responding and causing him to want to be held all.the.time! LOL! ;o)

The dogs are quiet downstairs after the baby and I walked them for about 15 minutes. That is more exercise than they have seen in awhile. The walks have to happen early if they are to happen at all in these temperatures.

The class website is down, so I am unable to do any assignments. Poor me. Oh well. [hear the sarcasm!]

Our transition is going fairly well. It has its ups and downs, mostly connected to my mood. I love being a mother. I love my son. I love my husband. It's just this life being so totally different thing that gets to me at times. It's like everything is upside down, inside out, and backwards. I think about our life four months ago. We knew nothing about anything. Life was its normal 15-year married routine. Just the two of us. As much as I love this, I miss that, too. We had given up our pursuit when God decided to move. Now, life has changed in an instant. We don't drive in to work together anymore. I don't go in to work at all. We don't grocery shop just the two of us anymore. Sometimes, we don't even grocery shop with the three of us. It's more like one or the other of us grocery shops alone. I miss shopping together. We are trying to learn how to make it all work with our new normal, and it is coming along.



I LOVE this picture of the three of us together!


We pulled out the Wii last night while the baby slept behind us in his swing. Even though we hadn't gotten on it in a very long time, it felt a little like normal to me. Oh, and I have lost 6.6 pounds, according to the Wii, since the adoption. This is a good thing, and one I am still fighting to continue. I have not forgotten my old goals. This last week, we stopped at the store together to get just one or two things. Not a big trip, but it felt a bit like normal to me. A new normal. I don't even know why I am sharing all this because I don't want you to think I am ungrateful. I feel so blessed by this gift God has given us. With what He has entrusted to our care. I just need to figure out who I am again. Nothing is the same. A few months ago, we went to work together everyday. We came home from work together everyday. We went shopping together. We traveled together. Every day was the same, as annoying as it could be. Every day was the same, as wonderful as it could be. I miss that.

Well, I hope this wasn't a downer. I just needed to get it out like I used to. If there is anything I have learned in counseling, it is the importance of getting it out.

There is lots more I could say, but I will end with two things.

1. Who am I now?

A wife, mother, daughter and friend. A bad cook who is trying to get better. A former employee. A child of God. Still trying to figure it all out and not lose my identity!

2. A few of my favorite pictures! :o)


A morning out with friends did us a world of good! I am convinced that these two would make a great husband and wife someday. Wouldn't their children be BEAUTIFUL?!?!?!? YES, I am a matchmaker! See... they are looking at each other and everything! Ha! ;o)



My new (to me) chair. Sometimes, I like it, and sometimes, I don't. :o)


Daddy and CTC at church.
Praying that God will draw our son to Himself at an early age.
Sharing the blessing of music that God has given to D.T.


Well, I guess that's about it for now. Until the next time...

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

1 comment:

BluRayn said...

Thank you for sharing!! I've been following your blog for a long time, a long time lurker and very rare commenter. I just wanted to say that what you're feeling IS normal, and yes, it's a new normal, but it's totally ok that you're feeling all of the ups and downs!! We have 3 boys and the first two were super easy to get pg with and the 3rd took almost 4 yrs, after we'd pretty much given up that it'd happen again. By then our other 2 were 6 and 9, so it was like starting all over again, adjusting to all the newness all over again (and ya, it comes back but it's also it's like 1st baby again!) He's almost 3 now, and we've been trying for #4 since he was 9 mos old, and again, we're pretty much at the point where we don't think it's gonna happen, and we're ok with that cuz it's up to God. There have been times that I missed no diapers and the kids being able to dress/feed themselves, being evenly matched parent:kid ratio, etc. Not that we'd trade Kian for anything of course, but it took awhile to adjust to the NEW normal.

We moved last year from the home that the boys have known all their lives to live next to my parents in a tiny little place that's about 1/3 the size of our old home. We share a 3/4 size bathroom between the 5 of us. We share the kitchen in my folks house with them cuz we don't have one. It's taken a very long time to adjust to the new normal of life here and I sympathize greatly with the upside down/inside out/backwards and especially the WHO AM I???

I've learned to take it all to God, He loves to hear all about it and loves it when I 'get it all out' to Him, all the pain and anger and hurt and joy and happiness and everything. I'm still not quite sure of all the answers, and we'll be moving again within a year to parts unknown (which is really scary!!) and it'll all be upside down again for awhile while we adjust again.

Anyway, I'm rambling (I'm a bad rambler!!) and really I just wanted to say THANK YOU for sharing!! I read/lurk lots of blogs and am always on the lookout for an update from you!!

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