Singing with Daddy!

I won't apologize for not posting until now. It would be futile. Some things are too good to pass up, though, so here is a short clip for your viewing pleasure! C.T.C. is showing some good rhythm here (LOVE the head! Ha!), and D.T. is certain he will be a singer someday! ;o)





Enjoy the Christmas spirit...! ;o)

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

"Not Me! Monday!" Returns!!!

Welcome back to "Not me" Monday... and my blog. Please remember to stop by MckMama's place to see what everyone else has not been up to this week. ;o)

I was not super excited when I saw MckMama's post on facebook with a NMM post! I did not used to love to participate in this little bit of fun, so I was not ready to hop back on the bandwagon! It is not the first thing I have posted in a long time, other than cop-out videos of our son's latest achievements. LOL! ;o)

I am not writing this in the tub as our son naps in the next room.

I am not having a really bad case of writer's block or mama brain and I do not think I have lost my bloggy touch. :-/

Our son is not 7 months old today, and I have not still neglected to write his 3-6 month update! What's up with that? He did not also begin to army crawl today!!! It is not time to BABY PROOF!!! Yikes! ;o)





Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

GROWL!!! ;o)

His newest sound... ;o)





Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Spin!

Can you tell which toy is his favorite??? ;o)




Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Rolling over ~ Part Deux! ;o)

Well, I may be a bit overexcited in this video... but I was so happy to finally catch our little man in action on VIDEO!!! I've tried faaaaar too many times... now, finally... SUCCESS... for him + ME!!!!! ;o)




Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Squeal! ;o)

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Peek-A-Boo!

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Pink Panther Laughter!

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Teething & Talking...

Very often, recently, C.T.C. can be found soothing his teeth on his Exersaucer toys and showing off his newly found voice... ;o)





Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Got milk?

A month ago. I did not realize how long it had been. I just knew it had been awhile. Well, looking back through all my Facebook messages (come on, tell me that's not how you figure things out, too!) I realized that it was exactly one month ago, today, when someone first offered me milk for our son.

We had struggled for months with, first, a liquid formula (this was already his third formula by the time he came to us!) and then a lactose-free formula, which worked better than the others, but still not well enough. If he threw up once a feeding, he threw up five or six times each feeding. It wasn't just a little, either. It was close to at least half of every feeding, if you added it all up. When he stopped gaining sufficient weight (only five ounces in one month!), the doctor became concerned and prescribed Z@nt@c for acid reflux. It didn't really seem to make a difference, though, so that was short lived until the doctor said we could stop. Thank goodness. I really don't like having to give him medication.

Now, though, we had this other opportunity in front of us. It didn't exactly sound strange to me, but I wondered if it was okay. So, we called the pediatrician for clearance, and then marched forward quickly with what God had provided. It is interesting just how much C.T.C. liked her milk. I mean, REALLY liked it! I recall one time when I gave him the bottle, he immediately exhaled with a deep sigh and a long "mmmmmmm....!" It felt good for this mama's heart to feel his satisfaction in place of all his previous discomfort.

As the days passed, we continued to get milk, but now, it was more like five or six different mothers making the donations Five or six mothers with five or six of their own little ones to feed. Five or six mothers who endured my probing examinations of... do you smoke? do you drink? do you take drugs? are you healthy? what prescription medications do you take? what is your diet like?

I must admit. Even though I was incredibly grateful for these wonderful gifts, and even though I rested in our son's obvious pleasure, I felt guilty, too. I have a natural tendency in my personality to feel this way, and it is something I am working on, but nevertheless, I felt bad about taking from another mother. Another child. Anyone, really, when I was not doing my part. I know, I know. I hadn't been pregnant. So, how in the world could I produce milk for my own son? I felt helpless and insufficient. I read a bit (okay, a LOT!) about other adoptive mothers who had successfully deceived their bodies into producing milk for their children. Maybe I could too, I thought! I even called a lactation consultant to come over to our home for a meeting. She was very positive about the potential and gave me all the information I would need to present to my doctor to get started. Prescriptions I would need for him to write. Our plan of action. So, off I went, typed proposal in hand, and a determined mindset to do whatever I could. FAIL! The doctor actually took a LONG time to come in to the examination room, and I wondered why in the world they were so far behind. Come to find out, the nurse who came in to ask me all the prerequisite questions, took the proposal I gave her and handed it over to him to read. Then, he and his partner (neither of whom had ever heard of such a thing as adoptive lactation!) began to research. When he finally came in to our appointment, he told me that, as a doctor, he prides himself on knowing his field very well. However, neither he nor his colleague were able to find even one peer-reviewed (read: GOLD standard of science!) article in all their medical journals documenting what I wanted to do or its potential success or failure. Beyond that, the medication I was asking him to prescribe for me was not FDA approved. It really didn't matter that it is approved in every other country in the world, because it it not approved in America. It really didn't matter that he could write me a prescription that I could fill in C@nada, because that could cost him his medical license and was something he was unwilling to do. Point noted. Shot down. Truly, I was disappointed, but I reminded myself that I asked God to please accomplish His will through this appointment, even if it might turn out to be the opposite of what I hoped. I guess that's exactly what happened, and God answered my prayer. Why isn't it easier to accept God's will when we have other ideas in our minds? I guess the same could be said for my willingness to trust Him on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis to provide for my son's food. Many days, I knew there was not enough milk left for the next day. Sometimes, I knew there was not even enough left for the next feeding. Of course, I had formula, and I could not... would not let him starve. It's just that I felt so... um... guilty for giving him what I knew was not the best thing for him. I remember one time when I literally did not have any more milk to give him, so I mixed up a bottle of formula... only to have him throw up more than half of it all over himself, me, and the floor. Then, there were all the text messages. Do you have milk? Do you have milk? Do you have milk? I've become a lot more bold as an advocate for my son. Followed up with car rides all over the city to pick up whatever was available. Even if it was only enough for one or two feedings. Talk about trusting God for daily bread. I have been blessed, though, through the entire experience so far. Yikes. So far. Because it's not over yet, and I wonder if God thinks I get it yet. I keep thinking I've learned my lesson, only to be faced with yet another extension of the same lesson. Over and over again. Trust ME! Yes, LORD, I am trying. I will trust You and ask that You continue to guide our steps.

So, I have laid down the idea of trying to make milk myself for our son. We are gratefully accepting milk from several healthy, gracious mothers, and I have made countless new friends. We are watching him fill out a bit... still not as much as we would like, but he is oh, so much better than before. He is back up from the 10th percentile to the 25th, and he is a very happy baby.

You know, it is interesting how God's provision is always right on time... the first and most consistent donor we have had is moving away this week, and God has already provided us with another very generous young woman to come alongside us. She gave us 200 ounces last evening, and plans to continue to give to us on a regular basis. I cannot adequately express to you what a relief it is to have a freezer full...




...and to not have to pursue that next bottle. Hey, maybe God thinks I have finally learned the trust lesson well enough... I guess we'll see. Thank you, LORD, for always providing in our moment of need!




Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

iPhones and Blessings!

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

A Laugh? or a Hiccup? ;o)

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Being Selective...

It's not much, but here is a short, little video of our little guy! I LOVE how he is already exerting his preferences by removing all the toys except his favorite, the green musical fish! He is pretty good at finding the button that makes the fish sing... ;o)

Enjoy!



Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Never say never...

There are a couple of things that I said I would never do concerning my son... or at least I hoped I would not have to do.

1. Put him on a medication like Zantac that could have negative side effects
2. Wake him up to feed him

Well, never say never because I guess both of those are on the table, now.

We went to the pediatrician yesterday for C.T.C.'s four month check -up, hoping that he had gained a healthy amount of weight. The last time we had been there, he had, unfortunately, slipped on his weight percentile from the 50th down to the 25th. Concerning? Perhaps, except that he had gone up on his height percentile from the 50th to the 75th. An argument could be made that he had simply stretched out. Laying him on the scale, though, I could quickly see that it was not to be. Only 5 more ounces in almost a month. Not even 13 pounds at four months of age. It seemed a bit low to me, and the doctor confirmed my suspicions and her concern. The last time, it was a signal to watch and see, but now, it was a pattern. He was no longer sustaining his level of growth. He had fallen off his curve, and something had to be done. Her previous opinion on medication was that she did not prefer to "mess with the gut floor" on infants. I know that many other physicians are quick to prescribe, but she liked to try whatever else was possible first in order to preserve a baby's stomach acid, which is necessary to manage bad bacteria. However, at this point, she said that because of his struggle to gain weight, we had no choice. What is a mother to do? Take a big breath, pray that God will protect my son from any ill side effects, and pick up the prescription. So, now, my son is on Z@nt@c twice a day and eating no more than five ounces at once (because he was not keeping down greater amounts) 6-7 times a day. I'm pushing for seven, but do you know how tough that is when he has been sleeping through the night since the age of five or six weeks? [SO grateful!!! :o)] There aren't that many hours left in the day. Even the doctor said she couldn't believe she was going to tell me to do this. I mean, wake up a sleeping baby???? She said I could just give him his first feeding the second we got up in the morning, but even that doesn't really leave enough time for every 3 hours, and he needs EVERY calorie he can get! Fortunately, he woke up on his own at 4 a.m.




He must have known it was time for him to eat. Oh, and I didn't tell you where he is at this point, did I? Yeah. That would be the 10th percentile. As in, T-E-N-T-H. When he came to us, he was in the 90-something percentile.

90th... and a chin! ;o)

Then, steadily in the 50th. Then, last time in the 25th, and now in the 10th.

10th and not an ounce of fat on him! :o(

We are giving him all the nutrition we can, but he's just not keeping it down. :o( So, we are just following the doctor's recommendations and trusting that God will help his little body to grow! You know, I thought we had learned enough about trusting just waiting for him. I didn't realize I would have this many more opportunities to learn about trusting God, now! ;o) Actually, last night was a very pleasant evening. After giving him his first dose of medication, it was the first time I can EVER remember that we were able to use a regular sized burp cloth instead of a blanket. He did not throw up even once in three feedings, and he was quite relaxed. I even felt a twinge of regret that we had not asked the doctor to reconsider doing this sooner. I mean, he seemed to feel so much better. So, that's our update. It didn't come out exactly the way I said it to myself as I was falling back asleep after feeding him this morning, but... oh, well... it's done! :0)

So, that's it.

4 feedings down.
NO throwing up for 3.
Minimal spitting up for 1. So, that's what you call spitting up??? ;o)
3 feedings to go for the day.
Weight check in 3 weeks.

Please keep praying!

Jump back on your curve, baby! ;o)

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Sleep!

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Smile!

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Daddy's Little Soccer Player! :o)

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

It's a lip, lip, lip! ;o)

CTC has discovered his mouth...




...and begun to contort his lips in strange ways!




How funny! ;o)

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

The 1st Three Months!

Well son, I am not sure if your Mama's brain is going to remember everything, but here goes! You are growing SO much! The first few weeks were hard because your tummy did not like the formula we were told to give you. About 15 minutes after you would eat each time, you would cry for a very long time, and we knew that you were in pain. After a couple of visits to the doctor, we convinced them that you needed a new formula (your FOURTH one!), and they agreed that we should try one called Nutramigen. We are grateful to God for all the scientists who know how to do things like take the dairy proteins out of formula so that little babies like you won't get sick. You do much better now! Except for the spitting up. Ha! You do A LOT of that! It keeps you trim and slim for sure. You DO like to eat, though! You let us know every time you are hungry, and that is more often all the time. Maybe that is because you lose so much from every feeding. We have finally settled on 5 ounces in your bottle, and you ask for that every 2 - 3 hours. It is better than giving you more, though, because your tummy just won't keep it down. We can't wait to see how much weight you have gained at your next checkup. When you were born, your weight was 7 pounds, 9 ounces, and at the last visit to the doctors, you weighed 12 pounds, 8 ounces. That makes you bigger than 25% of the other babies out there. It is good, though, because we hope that you won't struggle with weight like Mama and Daddy. You are tall, too! You were 24.5 inches at your last doctor's visit, and that makes you taller than 75% of all the other babies out there! WOW! You will definitely be taller than Mama and Daddy! :o)

You have been smiling for a long time now. We love to see you smile, and recently, we have loved to hear you laugh! One day, I even heard you laugh in your sleep. That made me smile because I knew you were having pleasant dreams. You like the different things we say to you, and the different songs we sing. "Bella," as we call your Grandma, taught you the words "uh-oh" and you try very hard to imitate those sounds. You are getting close! You like to hear the rhymes "Pat-a-cake" and the "Itsy Bitsy Spider." You also like to hear the "A-B-C song," "Jesus Loves Me," and any other song we can think of. You like for us to get creative, and you don't really like to hear a song or rhyme for more than a day or two. We know that you are bored and want us to find something new when you stop smiling. It can be rather challenging! ;o) You LOVE the Praise Baby DVDs we got for you at the Christian book store. You try to sing along, and Daddy is happy about that! You especially like the songs "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever" and "Holy, Holy, Holy!" :o) Your grandmother, Mamaie, can't wait to hear you sing, too! You see her when Daddy talks to her on Skype, and you will meet her next year when we travel with you to Romania where your Daddy grew up!

The doctor says that you are very healthy. When you first came to us, your eye watered a lot, but I noticed the other week that it wasn't doing that anymore. Now, we just need to get your tummy settled down. We do give you some things in your bottle twice a day that make you feel some better. They are aloe, probiotics, and omega-3 fish oil. Such a yummy cocktail! We are also taking you to the chiropractor each week to help your body stay all relaxed and straightened out! You like him a lot, and he makes you feel better! :o)

You are quite the sleeper at night, son! You have been sleeping the WHOLE NIGHT since you were about 5 or six weeks old! Mama and Daddy are VERY thankful for that. For a few weeks, you were rather fussy in the evenings, but your sleeping through the nights helped us to get through that. Now, you are not as fussy at night anymore.

You do not sleep quite as well during the day. I guess that is smart, huh? Days are for doing things, and nights are for sleeping, right? ;o) Most times, you will wake up from your nap after 15 minutes or half an hour. If we lay down with you in the guest bed, though, you will sleep for 2 or 3 hours. I guess you just like to be with us. Plus, you like to sleep on your stomach, and you can do that if we are there to watch you, but not if you are by yourself. Grandpap discovered how much you like this, and taught us. He could get you to sleep better than all of us! :o)

You do not like to have a pacifier. We tried those with you several times when you first came to be with us, but you always spit it out. Who wants plastic in their mouth, anyway, right? ;o) You have found your thumb, though, and we think that it is good for you to have a way to soothe yourself! The only thing is that you chew on it more than suck. Maybe you are preparing to get some teeth??? :o)

You like baths, but you do not play in the tub yet. We can't wait until you do! :o) In the meantime, your big sister Goldie thinks it is her job to personally give you a bath! Maybe she thinks you are one of her puppies. LOL! ;o) Your big brother, Benjamin likes to sit quietly next to you and protect you. :o)

You like the swing our friends gave us for you. It is a good place to sit so that Mama can cook dinner or do the laundry, but really, you would rather be held. Mama likes to hold you, too, but sometimes, she needs to get things done. She doesn't get a bath very often anymore because you usually wake up from your nap when she tries. Hopefully, things will get a little better as you get older. :o)

You have a nice new crib, now, that we brought home a few weeks ago. Before that, you were sleeping in a bassinet, but then you were getting a little bit too big for that. Sadly, the crib has a little boo-boo on the top and we have to get a new piece to replace it. Then, your room will be almost done. It is still set up for guests to come visit us, too, and we like that because all our friends are so important to us and you. All of them were so excited and welcomed you with lots of gifts and many, many kisses! We were able to get your crib because of them, and you were also given A LOT of clothes! Now, the only thing left to do in your room is to paint your initials for the wall above your bed and the meanings of your names from the Bible, God's Word! You have three names plus our last name. Wow! 22 letters! You will know almost the WHOLE alphabet when you learn your names! ;o) Your first name was given to you by your birth mother, and we like it very much because it came from the Bible. We love her very much, and we hope that you will love her, too, and learn to know her as you grow. You have two middle names hyphenated together. They are each from your grandfathers because we love them very much and we want you to always remember them. We also have the changing table that was Mama's when she was a baby. Daddy's brother came to visit the other year, and he helped to paint the table to make it special for you! He even hand-painted the words Joy, Hope, and Peace on the drawers because those words were special to Mama while we waited for you. Don't ever forget, son, that God will give us His Joy, Hope, and Peace every day of our lives, if we ask Him. We pray that He will draw you to Himself early in your life, and that you will respond to Him and that you will not resist Him. He loves you and He died for you. We pray that you will choose to follow Him.

Well, it is late, and I can't think of anything else right now. We love you, and we are grateful to God for choosing us to be your Mama and Daddy! Sleep well!

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Where it all fits.

It has been a long time since I have visited this, what was my second home for such a long time. Part of me misses it, and part of me doesn't give it a second thought. This was my go to place to get my thoughts out, to vent, and to meet others. Now, I find myself not needing it anymore, although I LOVE what I have gained from our time together. We'll see if I continue to post anything, perhaps with new intentions, but at least I have recorded my journey this far. It is always good to look back.

I have a rare moment right now. The baby is asleep, although I cannot vouch for how long that will last. When he cries, it is difficult for me to not go to him immediately because I am concerned that we should not have any attachment issues. I think I am probably over-responding and causing him to want to be held all.the.time! LOL! ;o)

The dogs are quiet downstairs after the baby and I walked them for about 15 minutes. That is more exercise than they have seen in awhile. The walks have to happen early if they are to happen at all in these temperatures.

The class website is down, so I am unable to do any assignments. Poor me. Oh well. [hear the sarcasm!]

Our transition is going fairly well. It has its ups and downs, mostly connected to my mood. I love being a mother. I love my son. I love my husband. It's just this life being so totally different thing that gets to me at times. It's like everything is upside down, inside out, and backwards. I think about our life four months ago. We knew nothing about anything. Life was its normal 15-year married routine. Just the two of us. As much as I love this, I miss that, too. We had given up our pursuit when God decided to move. Now, life has changed in an instant. We don't drive in to work together anymore. I don't go in to work at all. We don't grocery shop just the two of us anymore. Sometimes, we don't even grocery shop with the three of us. It's more like one or the other of us grocery shops alone. I miss shopping together. We are trying to learn how to make it all work with our new normal, and it is coming along.

I LOVE this picture of the three of us together!

We pulled out the Wii last night while the baby slept behind us in his swing. Even though we hadn't gotten on it in a very long time, it felt a little like normal to me. Oh, and I have lost 6.6 pounds, according to the Wii, since the adoption. This is a good thing, and one I am still fighting to continue. I have not forgotten my old goals. This last week, we stopped at the store together to get just one or two things. Not a big trip, but it felt a bit like normal to me. A new normal. I don't even know why I am sharing all this because I don't want you to think I am ungrateful. I feel so blessed by this gift God has given us. With what He has entrusted to our care. I just need to figure out who I am again. Nothing is the same. A few months ago, we went to work together everyday. We came home from work together everyday. We went shopping together. We traveled together. Every day was the same, as annoying as it could be. Every day was the same, as wonderful as it could be. I miss that.

Well, I hope this wasn't a downer. I just needed to get it out like I used to. If there is anything I have learned in counseling, it is the importance of getting it out.

There is lots more I could say, but I will end with two things.

1. Who am I now?

A wife, mother, daughter and friend. A bad cook who is trying to get better. A former employee. A child of God. Still trying to figure it all out and not lose my identity!

2. A few of my favorite pictures! :o)

A morning out with friends did us a world of good! I am convinced that these two would make a great husband and wife someday. Wouldn't their children be BEAUTIFUL?!?!?!? YES, I am a matchmaker! See... they are looking at each other and everything! Ha! ;o)

My new (to me) chair. Sometimes, I like it, and sometimes, I don't. :o)


Daddy and CTC at church.
Praying that God will draw our son to Himself at an early age.
Sharing the blessing of music that God has given to D.T.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. Until the next time...

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...