Where it all fits.

It has been a long time since I have visited this, what was my second home for such a long time. Part of me misses it, and part of me doesn't give it a second thought. This was my go to place to get my thoughts out, to vent, and to meet others. Now, I find myself not needing it anymore, although I LOVE what I have gained from our time together. We'll see if I continue to post anything, perhaps with new intentions, but at least I have recorded my journey this far. It is always good to look back.

I have a rare moment right now. The baby is asleep, although I cannot vouch for how long that will last. When he cries, it is difficult for me to not go to him immediately because I am concerned that we should not have any attachment issues. I think I am probably over-responding and causing him to want to be held all.the.time! LOL! ;o)

The dogs are quiet downstairs after the baby and I walked them for about 15 minutes. That is more exercise than they have seen in awhile. The walks have to happen early if they are to happen at all in these temperatures.

The class website is down, so I am unable to do any assignments. Poor me. Oh well. [hear the sarcasm!]

Our transition is going fairly well. It has its ups and downs, mostly connected to my mood. I love being a mother. I love my son. I love my husband. It's just this life being so totally different thing that gets to me at times. It's like everything is upside down, inside out, and backwards. I think about our life four months ago. We knew nothing about anything. Life was its normal 15-year married routine. Just the two of us. As much as I love this, I miss that, too. We had given up our pursuit when God decided to move. Now, life has changed in an instant. We don't drive in to work together anymore. I don't go in to work at all. We don't grocery shop just the two of us anymore. Sometimes, we don't even grocery shop with the three of us. It's more like one or the other of us grocery shops alone. I miss shopping together. We are trying to learn how to make it all work with our new normal, and it is coming along.

I LOVE this picture of the three of us together!

We pulled out the Wii last night while the baby slept behind us in his swing. Even though we hadn't gotten on it in a very long time, it felt a little like normal to me. Oh, and I have lost 6.6 pounds, according to the Wii, since the adoption. This is a good thing, and one I am still fighting to continue. I have not forgotten my old goals. This last week, we stopped at the store together to get just one or two things. Not a big trip, but it felt a bit like normal to me. A new normal. I don't even know why I am sharing all this because I don't want you to think I am ungrateful. I feel so blessed by this gift God has given us. With what He has entrusted to our care. I just need to figure out who I am again. Nothing is the same. A few months ago, we went to work together everyday. We came home from work together everyday. We went shopping together. We traveled together. Every day was the same, as annoying as it could be. Every day was the same, as wonderful as it could be. I miss that.

Well, I hope this wasn't a downer. I just needed to get it out like I used to. If there is anything I have learned in counseling, it is the importance of getting it out.

There is lots more I could say, but I will end with two things.

1. Who am I now?

A wife, mother, daughter and friend. A bad cook who is trying to get better. A former employee. A child of God. Still trying to figure it all out and not lose my identity!

2. A few of my favorite pictures! :o)

A morning out with friends did us a world of good! I am convinced that these two would make a great husband and wife someday. Wouldn't their children be BEAUTIFUL?!?!?!? YES, I am a matchmaker! See... they are looking at each other and everything! Ha! ;o)

My new (to me) chair. Sometimes, I like it, and sometimes, I don't. :o)


Daddy and CTC at church.
Praying that God will draw our son to Himself at an early age.
Sharing the blessing of music that God has given to D.T.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. Until the next time...

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

It's not possible, is it???

After only one month????? Please tell me it's not SO!



I couldn't possibly have gray hair already, could I?????



I mean, only now does my mother have a few, very small gray hairs, and NO, she doesn't color her hair! LOL! ;o)



Who woulda thunk that a few hours of lost sleep would do this to ya!

I'm hoping it's just product buildup. Or maybe, it's my overactive imagination. Yeah. That's what I can say! ;o)

Signed:
The Old Gray Mare :o(


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Siblings!

Me and my siblings. I am obviously the littlest cute one. ;o)




Must have been really sunny that day! I'm the only one with a semi-smile on my face, and the others are all squinting. LOL! :o)


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Things I love...

From the time I was little, I LOVED our cats! I was always near them, and tales have even been told of them sleeping in the crib with me. I can neither confirm nor deny. :o)

Apparently, from the picture and the figure I am now working hard to trim down, I loved food, too. Look at those chubby legs!!! :o) I wonder if my parents noticed how I was holding the bottle? Not very sanitary, huh? No wonder I don't mind kisses from my dogs. LOL! ;o)




I guess I also loved any kind of animals, for that matter. I was pretty much not afraid to touch anything. :o) Um... did you notice the bonnet? Yep. I wore one of those every day of my life growing up. That's what you get when your light skin burns like mine does! :o)




Phones. LOVED them when I was little. Now, you couldn't pay me to talk on the phone. Only as a necessity, but not for fun anymore. ;o)



Hey, where did the blonde hair come from??? It has been dark as long as I can remember. Did any of you dark-haired beauties have blonde hair when you were little? Did you know that it is spelled blond if you are a man and blonde if you are a women? I know you couldn't live without that little tidbit of information. You're welcome. ;o)


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Piano...

I think this is the youngest picture I have of me "playing" the piano. I am sure I was just pounding on the piano here. LOL! :o)




I actually started taking lessons when I was five and continued through the end (or close to it) of high school. I was okay. Not fabulous. Now, I haven't played in years :o( since we left the church where D.T. was the minister of music. I just haven't really had an opportunity since then. Now, I'm not sure if I even remember how. ;o)

Someday.

What instrument did you learn to play growing up? Do you still play? :o)


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Cry...

Pretty sure I had just been crying in this picture... it could have been the tights they always made me wear. ;o)



...and, I think this one, too. That, or I was really tired.




Not much has changed. I am still a crier (cryer?). You know what I mean.


You love my dad's pants, don't you? ;o)


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Daddy & Me! :o)

I spent some time with my family this weekend and had the opportunity to go through some old pictures. Some of them, I was very familiar with, and others, I had never seen. This is one of the ones I had never seen. LOVE it!!!

Perhaps, I will share with you a picture a day for the next I don't know how many days. Easy blogging, right? :o)

Being that I don't have children, I am bad at guessing ages. However, I would estimate that I am maybe 15 or 18 months old in this picture???



I love my daddy! :0)


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Friday Photo Flashback ~ 1982 or 1983...

Welcome to Friday Photo Flashback,
as hosted by Alicia @ More Than Words!

Ok, so I am really bad at calculating dates and years, but one thing I can say for almost certain is that this was little ol' me in first grade! :-) Yeah, I am pretty sure this was not a kindergarten picture, although I guess it could have been.


I know that it was not second grade, because I did not have a perm yet.

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

Friday Photo Flashback ~ 1983, I think...

Welcome to Friday Photo Flashback,
as hosted by Alicia @ More Than Words!

Today's picture comes from sometime around 1983, I think. At first, I wasn't sure if this picture was me in the 1st or 2nd grade, but if I stop and think about it, I'm pretty sure it is 2nd grade. After all, that is the year I started getting the perms that followed me all the way into the beginning of the 21st century. ;-)

How about you? What years did you get your first and last perms? :-)

***

Today, I choose joy in the the fact that the medication my doctor gave me is making this...

go away.

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...


***Don't forget to pray for someone today!

Looking forward...

**WARNING** If you have a weak stomach for all things medical, you might want to stop here. Brain picture below. You were warned...

***

I remember sitting in the chair at my ophthalmologist's office almost 12 (WOW!) years ago. I remember him telling me that I probably had multiple sclerosis. I remember feeling like I had been hit in the stomach with a baseball bat... one that had seemingly come out of nowhere!

At the time, I didn't know what to do. I was scared, and I knew that, somehow, my life would never be the same again. Sometime after the first year, during which I did absolutely nothing, I took on a new attitude that I was going to be okay and that MS was not going to change my life. I was not going to let it. I cannot pinpoint an exact time when this happened. Perhaps, it was a gradual determination that built in my spirit.

Now, though, on the other side, I realize that I was a little naive. How could it not change my life at all?

I shared with you before how I panicked was not very happy when I found out I had to take medication for my MS. Other than that, though, things have stayed pretty quiet. Of course, every morning except when I conveniently *forget* to take my shot, is interrupted for at least a few minutes. This morning was interrupted for a few minutes more when the auto-injector broke and I had to find my spare one.

It got me to thinking. MS is part of my life and it will continue to be part of my life. It interrupts things... It influences things...

Like our adoption... I mean, if you were a birth mom, would you be okay placing your child with someone who had MS? I know I'm okay right now, but *she* doesn't know that for sure, and *she* doesn't know what the future holds, either.

Or my master's degree and future career. I know I can get through the classes, but as evidenced by two 72%'s and a 76% that I got on the last 3 tests in my class, I obviously don't test as well as I used to.

My brain just doesn't work the same way.

Is it any wonder why? Do you see all the white spots? That's MS... and everywhere there is one of those spots, the signals don't make it through as quickly or effectively as they should.

I digress.

At the moment, I need to make a decision, and I have no clue what to do. There are two educational programs I can do in pursuit of a master's degree, and they are as different as different can be. For the first, I would have 7 classes left to complete. For the other, I would have 16 classes left to complete. Obviously, I would be able to finish one much sooner than the other. The smaller one would simply be a master's degree. The larger one would lead to state certification in counseling, but it would also require me to pass a certification exam.... which I feel very not certain I could do.

I am at a point in the program where one direction leads me far right and the other leads me far left. There is no more overlap in the programs. I need to decide which one I want to do. I sort of feel like if I do the smaller program, I am just taking the easy way out. On the other hand, I don't know if I really want to be certified, and I am not certain what God wants me to do, either.

What to do, what to do...

**Sigh**

Thoughts? Anyone?

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...


***Don't forget to pray for someone today!

Friday Photo Flashback... late 1970-something

Welcome to Friday Photo Flashback, as hosted by Alicia at More than Words!

This one goes WAAAAAYY back...


definitely before the days of digital cameras! Not sure exactly how old I am here. I'm thinking, like 2, maybe?

Aren't I cute? Okay, everyone, all together now... Aaaaaww!!! :-)

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...


***Don't forget to pray for someone today!

Where in the world is C.C.???

Not to worry. I am over at my friend Sneaky Momma's place...

I'm her Secret Sneaky Friend this week... and I didn't even spoil the secret!!! Come on over, and check it out! :-)

Oh, and if you are visiting from Sneaky Momma's, WELCOME!!! I hope you will come back often! :-) Feel free to look around. Here are a few links to get you started on my story...

Who am I? Part 1
Who am I? Part 2
Who am I? Part 3

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...



***Don't forget to pray for someone today!

Friday Photo Flashback... 1994

Welcome back to Friday Photo Flashback, hosted by Alicia at More Than Words!

High school graduation. 1994. Not skinny, but way skinnier than now. Long, curly permed hair. Fun fact: there were only two of us in our graduating class. Small, Christian school. Our school colors were red and white, so I guess that's why I am in all white. Wow, blinding against my super pale skin!


Fast-forward. College graduation. 2006. Yes, I took a waaay looooong hiatus.


Mmmmmm.... much better! Especially with the man standing next to me. ;-)

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...



***Don't forget to pray for someone today!

Friday Photo Flashback... 1996

Welcome to my first Friday Photo Flashback, as hosted by Alicia at More Than Words!

I don't believe I've ever showed y'all any of our wedding pictures. I scanned a few a bunch of months back when we were working on the profile album for our adoption.

Wanna see?

Boy, do things change over the years.

Styles change and perms grow out.

A few more wrinkles, a little less hair.

So, here you go. The 1996 version of us:

My handsome groom!

Wedding portrait several months before the wedding

Me and the girls waiting downstairs at the church...
how crazy is it that my flower girl is now in college?!?

Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...



***Don't forget to pray for someone today!