From place to place... around the world... on the other side...

Did you know that God can use you to make a difference in someone else's life?

I've been looking over some statistics from the visit counters that I have at the bottom of my blog, and I was amazed to discover a few things (I knew the art of statistics was good for something!!!)... First, there are a lot of people in Virginia that read my blog. Go figure! OK, that wasn't really a surprise since I live here, work here, and most of the people I interact with are here as well. On the other hand, I learned that the hospitality of my virtual home has frequently been enjoyed by visitors from locations as near as Johnstown, Pennsylvania (my original home town and the current physical residence of many friends and family) and as far away as Dallas, Texas and Mountain View, California. I have no clue where that is, but it certainly sounds like a pleasant place to live. On occasion, I have also entertained passersby from New York, Delaware, Maryland, Kansas, Michigan, Georgia, New Jersey, Tennessee, Florida, Indiana, and Kentucky. I am truly humbled and grateful that the unknown people behind these visits would stop to listen to what I have to say. I don't know that I know anyone from these states, but for however brief a moment, something written on these pages peaked their interest, answered a question, or met a need in their life. To God be all the glory!

I found it even more remarkable to learn that "His-Heart" has been an international vacation spot for our neighbors in Mazowieckie, Poland; Stockholm, Sweden; Madrid, Spain; Alberta and Ontario, Canada; Cameroon; England; South Africa; and the Netherlands! How like God to use a tool such as the internet in the hands of one of His children to reach beyond my Jerusalem and touch the life of someone on the other side of my keyboard! Why, though, should I be surprised? He brought my husband to me from the other side of the world.

There is a story in the Bible that I read the other day for the first time that I can remember. In Acts 9:26-43, specifically verses 32-35, we learn that Peter, as he is traveling from place to place, meets and heals a man named Aeneas. We don't know anything else about Aeneas except that, prior to Peter's visit, he had been paralyzed and confined to his bed for eight years. Think about that for a moment ~ 8 years! Can you imagine? We can also assume that Aeneas's situation was well known in the community because "the whole population of Lydda and Sharon turned to the Lord when they saw Aeneas walking around!" What a testimony he had to tell of that moment! But what about the previous 8 years? What put him in that bed? What did he do with his time? What did he think about? Did he have a good attitude? What about the day just before Peter came? Was Aeneas expectant with HOPE that tomorrow would be the day he would be healed?

What about you? Are you expectant with HOPE that tomorrow could be the day God intervenes in your life? What about the people God would want you to touch? Are they expectant with HOPE that tomorrow could be the day God meets them wherever they are? As you go from place to place, consider what the life of Aeneas was like before Peter came. Aeneas had a need to be healed. Others we pass by also have a need. It may be a physical need for provision, or it could be an emotional need for encouragement. Everyone has a spiritual need for reconciliation with God. Whose physical need will you meet? Whose encourager will you be? Whose soul waits to hear your testimony of God's salvation? Consider... who is sitting on the other side ...of the bed ...of the street ...of the desk ...of the pew ...of the pulpit ...of the checkout line ...of the country ...of the nation ...of the world ~

Go... make a difference!

It was the best of times... it was the worst of times...

I remember my 25th year so well. I grew so much spiritually that year. I also hated the fact that I had turned 25. After all, that meant I was half-way to 30, right? Don't ask me what was so horrible about that, because the reality of 30 really wasn't that bad. So, with a pleasant "30" and "31" in my history book, I should have learned from that experience, right? Wrong. Now, I am 32, and this has once again been a dreaded birthday year for me. Why? I have not a clue, but it is, and it feels eerily similar to the span of time I experienced between 25 and 26. Except that this time, it is much more lonely and it feels like I am crawling around aimlessly while the rest of our "not-as-big-as-I-used-to-think-it-was" world flies by at record speed. It seems like everyone else is on a journey with a mission while I float by singing "It's a small world after all..."

Side note ~ I have GOT to go on that ride again this September when we go to Disney World! J ~ put it on the list!!! :-)

Anyway, I ask myself, "What is God doing? What is His plan? And when is He going to share the details with me?" And then, I find myself struggling in my faith. I believe in God. I believe Jesus is the Son of God and that He died, was buried, and rose again to offer me (and you) eternal life. I believe He knows all things and can do all things. Then, why do I sit here and wonder if He will keep His promise to me? Why do I doubt? Why do I envy others? Why don't I exhibit any confidence in my God who says "I Am", the One who has the power to heal the sick, to cast out demons, to move mountains? Why? I think I've just become so tired... of waiting... of trying to be strong...

You know, there are a few things I should have learned by now. One - to be careful what I pray for, and two - to be on the alert for Satan's attacks. You would think as many times as he beats me down with the same stick, I would learn to see it coming. I've even been warned in BIG BOLD letters ("I'll catch him while he is tired and weak" 2 Samuel 17:2a NCV), yet I seem to find myself helplessly cowering in the corner when I should be running away as fast as I can. Or better yet, beating him with the sword of the Spirit!

Back in my 25th year, I experienced the same thing. As I began to learn and grow in my faith, to seek and follow His will for my life, to treat God as LORD, and not just Savior, Satan began to attack...

Excerpt from the introduction of a paper I wrote about the process of change in my undergrad Psychology program...
On September 2, 2001, God used a song and a sermon to speak to me about the will of God and the will of Satan for my life. In his song “Take My Life”, Scott Underwood writes about his longing to be holy, faithful, and broken before God. In the chorus, he invites God to begin the process necessary to achieve this. It says “Take my heart and form it, take my mind transform it, take my will conform it, to yours, to yours, oh Lord” (Underwood, 1995). After our vocal group sang this song, the pastor began to preach. He explained that the name Devil comes from the Greek word Diabolos, which means slanderer or false accuser. He warned us that the devil attacks our mentality, morality, and motivation with false accusations because he desires to control our mind, heart, and will. This idea was supported by 2 Timothy 2:26 which says “Then they may come to their senses and escape the Devil's trap, having been captured by him to do his will” (Holman Christian Standard Bible, 2001). He encouraged us to claim God’s power and protection and to resist the schemes of Satan by putting on the whole armor of God. I had never considered that Satan had a will for my life, but I recognized how he had rendered me useless to do the will of God by attacking my mind with false accusations. I determined to guard myself from that day on.

***

You would think I would learn from the past. Satan loves nothing more than a stronghold in our lives. Bet you can guess what mine is.

Even so, it is encouraging to see how faithful God is to redeem our weaknesses. He wants us to focus our eyes on the goal, even if we can't see the finish line. Just yesterday, I was reminded through the blog of a friend that our brokenness is the vehicle God uses to demonstrate Himself. I don't think this just means the pain we go through, but also the attitude of relinquishment that pain can bring. Why? So that, whatever the outcome, He will receive the glory.

Taking every thought captive until His plan becomes clear...

My Virtual SOAP BOX...

I think we are a generation of people who have become accustomed to hiding behind our screens, keyboards, ipods, and cell phones. It's so easy (and perhaps more comfortable?) to avoid meaningful conversation by putting the earbuds in our ears or by reading someone's blog and then just moving on. It's much harder to open up and make yourself vulnerable - even through something as little as a comment others might read. I don't think this is a unique experience. I believe it is a phenomenon we have brought on ourselves. I believe it is widespread. I have seen it on the blogs and websites of countless other people. We all have our hit counters to tell us how many have passed by, but who are they? and where have they gone? why did they come? and why did they silently fade away? Am I the only one who wonders these things? I have noticed that people will respond in MASS numbers when someone is in crisis or on a mission, but in the everyday trials of life, people are content to just go about their own business. It's not unlike what I like to call "THE OBLIGATION SYNDROME" - Someone died? or had a baby? OK, let's send a card, flowers, and food. Let's go to the funeral or the hospital, hurry up and voice our condolences or congratulations, and then get back to our own personal, comfortable life where we don't have to know what others are feeling two weeks later, and we certainly don't have to share what we are feeling ever.

THE GOAL:
You know, I started this blog for a couple of reasons. First, I like to write, and I needed an outlet for some of the things I was feeling. Second, I appreciate the historical value of a journal to keep track of my growth and setbacks. However, I don't like to physically write on paper as much as I used to. Call it a casualty of the computer age we live in. Third, I believed God was calling me to two things - 1. to love Him with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, and 2. to comfort others with the comfort He has given me. So, I set out in a vulnerable fashion to record my adventure to develop more love for Him and to encourage others through any pain they may be experiencing as well. Finally, a selfish reason I started this blog was to perhaps gain encouragment from others. That has happened to some extent, and I thank all of you who have encouraged me through comments on my postings, through signing my guestbook, through a passing comment in the hallways, or through a prayer I didn't even know you prayed. All are encouraging, although I must admit that I wish there were more "tangible" comments I could see.

THE CHALLENGE:
So, who wants to get vulnerable with me? OK, maybe you don't want to, but who is willing to try? I know it's scary. I know it can be painful. But, it can be a blessing if you let it. I would love to hear if God has used my struggles to teach you something or to encourage you. I would love to know that you are praying for me. I would love to hear how God is working in your life. I would love to hear your hurts so that I know how to pray for you. So, come on... it only takes a click... there it is... Comment! :-)

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. ~Galatians 6:2

Unbelief... honest and UNCUT

You may be tired of listening to me, so if you are, just ignore me. I need to get this all out. It helps.

How does one go about changing their feelings? Prior to beginning the counseling program, I would have thought it was easy. Just decide to change. Make a choice. But in real life, it's just not that easy. I can know the truth, and I can choose to believe it, but sometimes - I just don't FEEL it. I'm no different than the man whose son was possessed by a spirit. Read the story. No, REALLY. Click the link and read the story. Otherwise, I will have to paste it here, and it's too long.

Done? OK.

Why do you think the man IMMEDIATELY responded to Jesus' offer of healing by saying that he believed while, at the same time, begging Jesus to help him actually believe. Did he want to believe? OR did he want the result of believing? I think he was tired and grasping at whatever small measure of hope that he could. He didn't have any strength left, and he just wanted his son to be well. Like me. I'm tired too - tired of waiting. I just want my life to be well, and it's not. You know people you pass in the hall often ask the obligatory "How are you?", and I wonder... Do they really want to know?

So, how am I? How do I feel? I feel beaten down and crushed. I feel depressed. More than that, I feel angry. I wonder what I have done wrong. I wonder what others have done right. I know I should be happy for those who God is blessing. I know I should gain strength and hope from the success and example of others. But, I'm not. And, I don't. Please don't take offense at this. It's not about you. And it shouldn't be about me. I know how I am supposed to feel, but I can't seem to help how I do feel.

Why can't I respond like Abraham, who did not waver in his faith? God answered the prayers of both men, but the man whose son was possessed said "if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." He desperately hoped Jesus could heal his son. Abraham was fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised and it was credited to him as righteousness.

LORD, please help me to stand on Your promises. Give me strength to withstand and joy as I do. Give me faith to replace my unbelief. Untangle my emotions and fully persuade me that You not only can, but will do what You have said.

Crushed

I am at a loss for words, so I will allow God's Word to speak for itself - - - in my life and whatever you may be facing in your life.

Psalms 51:7-13
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.

Proverbs 17:22-22
22 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 18:14-14
14 A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?

2 Corinthians 4:8-18
8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 13 It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. 16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

New International Version