I am feeling rather sad today. I am learning that stepping out in faith to open up our options for adoption brings with it the difficult circumstance of either hearing "no" much more often or not hearing anything at all. The difference is that our agency is not a buffer between us and the other parties involved. I have not really shared exactly how many opportunities have passed by the doors of our life since we branched out on our journey, but it has been quite a few. At least one or two each week. Most of them have faded away into nothingness, although a few have resulted in direct answers of "no." Some of them were not difficult to pursue in that we only sent an email to which we got no reply at all. Others required that we send many documents, and one required that we complete a new profile and pay a fee. That profile actually turned out quite well and is a blessing of sorts. That agency sent us a color copy of the three page profile they prepared for us (well worth the $$$ we paid!). I scanned it in to the computer as a pdf, and now we actually have a profile that is a manageable size that we can send out to other places as opportunities present themselves.
The reason I am sad today, though, is that we just heard "no" from an opportunity that crossed our path just yesterday. In only one day, it is amazing how much time, energy, and heart one can commit to a pursuit. You can try to tell yourself not to get too excited. Not to let yourself dream. Unfortunately, it is not so easy for me to remain emotionless, and in this case, I definitely let my guard down. I guess you could say that my passionate spirit got the best of me.
Then, things that happen in everyday life well... happened just after we received the disappointing news. Birth announcements. Baby pictures. It takes me back to the days of baby showers, mother's day, and baby dedications at church. If you have never experienced infertility, you might not realize just how difficult those events can be. Not because anyone does anything wrong. Just because.
So, I am sad, and it helps a little to say so.
I know that God is in control of every circumstance and every opportunity. Of our very lives. That is what I am holding on to.
Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...
2 comments:
Praying for you. I can't imagine how hard it is to walk in your shoes right now.
I don't have any words that could make you feel better. But please know I am praying for you.
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