What a weekend... exercises in faith...

It was certainly an adventure and definitely not boring. I must say that my best and worst sides came out on our trip to Ohio and the Women of Faith conference. It probably didn't help that I was so tired from the drive between VA, PA, and Cleveland. Let's just say that a lot of the attitudes I learned in a former job were quite useful in securing the type of hotel room we requested but did not initially receive, as well as a seating assignment at the conference that would allow my mother to get where we needed to be without falling or killing her knees. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit kept me in check just enough to not conflict with the fact that I was at a Christian event!

Although there were some distractions and interruptions, God did confirm a few things for me regarding our adoption plans. I really enjoyed the pre-conference on Friday with Patsy Clairmont and Jan Silvious. Patsy was absolutely hilarious, as always, which did much to lighten the mood and soften the heart to tell us that no matter our individual circumstances, none of us are forgotten by God. Jan, who by the way is a counselor, recounted the story of Jochebed, Moses' mother, in Exodus 2. She told how when Jochebed didn't know how else to save her son from certain death, she did the next thing she could. Jan's challenge to us was that when we don't know what to do in the midst of our circumstances, to do the "next thing." The whole time she was speaking on Friday and even when others were speaking, singing, or performing drama that evening or the next day, God continued to whisper to me "do the next thing... keep going... put one foot in front of the other... walk by faith... don't try to see... I have each step already laid out for you... when you don't know what to do next, I do, so just do the next thing..."

You see, part of my problem with this process has been that I have been trying to organize and compartmentalize the things that need to be done... fingerprints, background checks, medical forms, homestudy, etc..., etc..., etc... I think the bigger part of my problem has been that I don't know where the finish line is or when we will get there. Not knowing has kept me in a state of "Well, I can't do this yet because it might expire... No, I can't do that yet because something else needs to be done first... Nope, we don't have the money for that one yet, so it will have to wait..." The result? I'm still playing the blonde at a flashing red light game. Stop, start, stop, start. I feel like I'm saying and doing the same thing over and over.

What does God say? "We live by faith, not by sight." Easier said than done, but it certainly helped to actually hear God say it to me. I also love that Jan talked about the wisdom and value of taking a second look at the decisions we are making. While part of my hesitation has been fear, I believe God has used this time of inactivity in the process to continue to refine me and teach me things I will need to know as we approach that finish line. It has also given me a chance to work through some feelings and issues I don't want to carry with me indefinitely. Most importantly, it has given me time to receive multiple confirmations from God in a variety of ways that we are following the right path and moving in His direction.

Well, we have now actually accomplished a lot of the things we need in preparation for the homestudy. Of course, there is much still to do, but I feel like we are actually making headway. Oh, and God used Patsy during her time on Saturday to say something else to me which I find very difficult to swallow. She vividly described the plight of the woman who was crippled and bent over for 18 years. Can you imagine? The part of the story that Patsy pointed out was the fact that nowhere in the scripture passage does it say that the woman looked up to Jesus to be healed. Even after 18 years. She was just "there." Have you ever felt like that? Like you were just "there" in your problems and satisfied to stay that way? Praise God that Jesus healed her anyway, even without her seeking Him out. Well, Patsy's lesson for everyone was that sometimes, when you need help, you need to ask. And, I thought, "Ask? I don't want to bother anyone. Everyone has their own life and their own problems. I don't want to give them mine too. What if I can't help them when they need it? I don't want anyone to feel obligated. I don't want to feel obligated either." Yet, God said, "You need help. You are bent over. Ask."

So, I guess I need to say it... will you help me? I know some of you are very far away. I know some of you don't even know me. But, will you help me? Will you pray for us? Those of you who are closer, does anybody want to clean or paint? Has God laid it on someone's heart to help us fund even a very small part of this venture? OK, I hate that part. I don't ask for money, but somehow, as I type this, God won't let me leave it out. Or maybe there is something else God has in mind that you or I could not even imagine. I know He has each part of the story already written...

Dear LORD, please make sense of this jumbled mess and speak to those who read it. Minister to anyone who might be struggling with their own circumstances. Have your way in each of our lives and help us to follow You by FAITH, and not by what we can see...

Walking by faith...