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Monday, November 22, 2010

Ashes, brooms, and starting from scratch...

The LORD gave me a picture the other day of the last many years of my life and why I no longer recognize myself. Actually, it was more a picture of Him than me because I was not physically in the picture. My substance was there, but not in any shape that could be easily identified. I was dust. Ashes. Raw material. A remnant of my former self. It really isn't a bad thing. For God, I think it could be more said: "Good job!" or "Mission accomplished!" Or perhaps, for me, it could be said that I am a "hard nut to crack!" Either way, it has been a hard journey ~ at least for me, and I imagine, it has been for Him, too. Although, I know that nothing is too hard for the LORD! Certainly not dealing with me, and certainly not navigating my circumstances either. Back to the picture. I didn't see His face, but I did see His hands and they were holding a broom, gently sweeping ashes from the ground. Gently sweeping me from the ground. Not as dirt to be discarded. No. Instead, He scooped me into His waiting hands. Then, He said:

And now for a little while grace
has been shown from the Lord our God,

to leave us a remnant to escape,
and to give us a peg in His holy place,

that our God may enlighten our eyes
and give us a measure of
revival in our bondage.
For we were slaves. Yet our God
did not forsake us in our bondage;

but He extended mercy to us
in the sight of the kings of Persia,

to revive us, to repair the house of our God,
to rebuild its ruins,
and to give us a wall in Judah and Jerusalem.

(Ezra 6:8-9)

It is a comfortable place to be. Now, I don't really know what to do other than to be still and rest while He breathes new life into me. While He builds and forms the new me and shows me the steps He wants me to take.

I said awhile ago that I needed to step back from our pursuit of adoption, and I have. When I said that, it was because I was focused too intently on my desire for a child and because I was not focused intently enough on my relationship with God. I am at a place now where I am just learning who I am, who God is, and waiting to see what He might do in my life. I guess what I am saying is that you no longer have to avoid the topic of adoption or children with me. I can't really promise any exciting answers, but it is okay to ask. Like I said, I am learning who I am, and I know that neither my existence nor my identity revolve around motherhood. No, for right now, I am a child and a new creation of God. How about you? Who are you? How is the LORD rebuilding you?

By the way, it's nice to meet you... :o)

Embracing His Joy, Hope, & Peace...

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