I wrote this early this morning in response to an email from a friend...
Sorry I did not respond last night. We did get our report, and I just needed a little time to myself to deal with the emotions. We were presented to two birth mothers. One was interested. One was not. Unfortunately, the one who was interested did not go through with her adoption plan for reasons they cannot share with me. I understand that, although it is still disappointing.
This morning, God reminded me in the book of Jonah that I have no right to be angry. This is His plan, not mine. It is His child, not mine. It is even His birth mother. Not mine to control. Hard words to swallow, but I am trying.
In three days, we will have just 8 months left in the waiting pool. That is two more reports, plus a couple months. Crazy that I calculate my time according to the next report. I don't know where we will be at the end. Part of me thinks that I have no hope, and part of me thinks that I need to believe with everything in me. It is just so hard when all of the evidence is stacked against me. I guess we will see.
So, yes, I am disappointed, but I am trying to trust God.