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Saturday, February 13, 2010

Dear Birthmother...

That is as far as I've gotten.

I thought we were all done with these letters, but I guess I am wrong. I say these because when we did one for our current agency, we actually each had to write one. Now that we are preparing a profile for an additional agency, we are only writing one from the two of us. A very different process. Plus, there are things we were told not to say in the last letters that we are actually told we should say in this letter. Different agencies. Different birth parents. To each their own, I guess. It is just an awkward thing to write either way.

We finished writing the other things we needed to last night, and have shipped them off to my two favorite proof readers. My mom and my sister. :-) Actually, my mom is the grammar queen, so I know everything will be just perfect! We have selected a BUNCH of pictures. Actually, more than we need to send, so the hard part now is narrowing it down.

I have actually changed SO much (and I cannot overemphasize the SO in this too much!) in what I want from a relationship with a birth mother that it just totally blows my mind. I started out completely fearing birth mothers and actually resenting the fact that a birth mother would be in our lives. At least, in one way or another. Now, however, I have truly come to the place where I desire a relationship with a birth mother and pray that she will want to have some level of ongoing relationship with us and her child. Now, I am not saying that means that a birth mother will be at our house every night or on vacation with us every year, but that we will see her and talk with her and share her child's life and development with her. I can't imagine what an incredible person it takes to be willing to entrust your child to people you only know on paper or may have met once because you believe it is better for that child. I know I could love a person like that. I actually think I already do, even though I don't know who she is. One thing I know for sure is that God loves her, too. After all, He created her, and He died for her. Then, how could I be anything less than grateful to God for the opportunity to be an instrument of His love to her? It is all strange to me, but like I have said before, it has been a journey. That is for sure. Do I sound like a different person? LOL!

So, the next few days for us will continue to be busy. Two days until my intensive. Two exams, if I can pull it off. 29 more extra workbook questions, again, if I can pull it off. Cleaning for our guest to come. Profile stuff. Dear birth mother letter. Phew. I'm tired just thinking of it, and I just got up! :-)


Anonymous said...'s so neat to see God at work in your life and where He has brought you in this journey!! :) Am still praying!!


TheEvjes said...

Will be praying for you!

Love your current thoughts in regard to your future birthmother and birthmothers in general that give so sacrificially! I feel as though I always want to defend ours. She is a beautiful woman inside and out. We are incredibly grateful to our birthmother.


-stephanie- said...

With an attitude like that, you two will make beautiful, caring parents. God bless you.

Michelle said...

have you ever thought about addressing it something like "expectant mother" or something? calling someone a birthmother before they've even given birth, and possibly even before they've made their adoption decision final? i don't know, it's awkward no matter what you write, but i've always told myself that if God spares my life & i live to reach a point in my life where i'm ready to become a mother & go into adoption, i don't want to minimize the person's motherhood. the term "birthmother" just doesn't sit well with me... BUT that's just my own opinion, and of course many disagree and that's fine, it's their right to do so. :-)

Stephanie Harbin said...

Wow, how amazing! I love your attitude. I love how God has grown you. I know there were times that I felt overwhelming anger at what the "birthmother" did to my child. I will have to forgive her as God forgives and know that no matter what she did, He created my beautiful child. Have you guys thought about adopting an older child? I have a student in my class who is going to be adopted and it is so exciting to watch!

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