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Friday, October 22, 2010

Weighing my words...

Alternately titled: Open mouth...insert foot!

Alternately titled: FAITH!

Does anyone besides me have the tendency to just blurt out what they think? I think there are both positives and negatives to doing this. I do realize that it can often be a bad habit, and a lot of times, there are consequences. My only justification is that a.) I am not perfect and b.) I speak the truth.

Yesterday was one of those times that I, unfortunately, regretted what I said. I must interject that I am amazed at some of the paths that God allows me to cross. Seriously, I could not have written this story if I even tried to imagine it. So, here it is (and I am carefully weighing my words this time).

Yesterday, D.T. had the opportunity to meet with some guests to our organization from his home country. They were here, I believe, at the invitation of someone very important in our organization's history. We learned just the night before at a funeral that we were attending that they were coming, and D.T. offered to assist, if necessary. I actually forgot about it until the very end of the day when I began to try to locate D.T. so we could leave. I discovered that he was in another part of the building where I do not generally have access, and he met me at the entrance to let me in. I was introduced to everyone, and handshakes ensued. You know, I bet they all find handshaking a rather strange custom, as in Romania, the greeting is more typically a kiss on each cheek. Anywho. D.T. and I were also speaking with a gentleman and his wife who had their lovely, young daughter with them. D.T. told me that she had been adopted from Romania, and then the gentleman proceeded to share their story with me. It was really quite amazing how God worked to bring their situation to a glorifying conclusion. I should mention here that despite the fact that I knew who brought this group of people and despite the fact that I was introduced to this man and woman by name, the full realization of who they were just did not click with me. Not that it should matter. I mean, if we are willing to say something, we should be willing to say it to anyone. If we shouldn't say something, then we really shouldn't say it to anyone. Right? But... you know.

So, towards the end of our conversation, the gentleman told us just how much his family's faith had increased because of God's working through their daughter's adoption. A great testimony! Then, I felt compelled by our commonality to share briefly with them concerning our experience with adoption and how it has affected my faith. I won't tell you exactly what I said because that would just be repetition of what I shouldn't have said in hindsight. It is safe to say, though, that I spoke out of my pain and frustration and trying to understand what God has for us. I was brief and honest.

The thing for me is that it is so hard to watch the miracles God does for others and wonder, why not us? I don't pretend to understand the mind of God. I want to have faith in what is unseen, but as a human, I feel like I need to see something. I know. That is exactly the opposite of what faith is supposed to be. When does the ending come, though? How long do we wait? More troubling is that a very significant part of me does not want it anymore. The time has passed. It has been too long. For me. I know that God is never late (that feels kind of cliche' to me), yet I feel like He has waited too long for us.

Then, what should my faith look like? I struggle with that. I have always believed that God can act, but not necessarily that He will choose to act in our circumstances. All the evidence leads me to this conclusion. Again, I know this is the opposite of what faith is supposed to be. A song came on the radio recently that spoke to this. Maybe it can say it better than I can because I am struggling for words.





So, is my foot in my mouth again? Do I have egg all over my face? Does anybody have a towel?


Embracing His Joy, Hope, & Peace...

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