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Thursday, June 03, 2010

A personal prayer of confession...

And He said to him,
" 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD
WITH ALL YOUR HEART,
AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL,
AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'..."

Dear LORD,

I am not sure if I can even call You that right now because there are still pieces of myself that I am holding back from Your control. I know that You are sovereign and that You are working Your perfect plan in my life. I am trying to have faith, but it is just so difficult for me to see it. I know. That is what faith is all about, but I am so full of doubts.

I read something from Wendy Blight this morning that asked, "What is it you desire above all else in your life?" and then confessed that "Never had I thought about knowing God being something to desire most in life. Yes, I desired the things of God...but not God Himself."

I must confess, too, that I have not desired You above the other things in my life. Even... no especially, the child that I do not yet have. Maybe that is why I have not received Your promise. Not that I am even sure that You did promise. I read something else from an adoption agency (not ours) the other day that said that You never made a promise to give anyone a child. That makes me sad. Confused. It makes me wonder. Did I hear You correctly? Did I hear You at all? I thought I knew Your voice. Now, I am not certain that I know anything at all.

I WANT to desire You above all else. I WANT to love You with ALL my heart, soul, and mind... but I don't. Why am I even telling You all this? You already know the thoughts of my heart. Please help me to put aside everything else that matters so little in the light of You. Help me to feel and do what only pleases You and brings You glory. I can't do it in my own fleshly weakness. I'm not strong enough when the hurt takes over.

Amen.


Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...

1 comment:

April said...

this feel so sacred and so personal, that it's hard to comment and not feel like I'm breaking the beauty of your confession. Thanks for your vulnerability, your heart.

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