I am still dreaming, and maybe that is all this is for me. A dream. Perhaps one I will have to give up. I don't understand why the emotions are so intense, but quite often (including this very moment) I feel on the verge of tears. I feel pulled in so many directions... adoption, infertility treatments, work, school, faith, finances, family. Am I stepping ahead of God? Am I on the right path? What is His plan for me? I feel like I am going in circles, saying the same things over and over and over again. I don't mean to complain. God is good to me. He really is! I am grateful for everything He has done for me. Somehow, though, I just can't let it go.
About once or twice a week, she knocks on my window to see me for a minute, and today, her sister was with her! I can't explain the joy they bring me, and they are not even mine. Of course, neither would an adopted child be my flesh. I guess that doesn't really matter. Why can my life not be like this?
The little one's parting words as she walked away... I love you! And, with that, my heart is full, if even for a moment.
The only prayer I can whisper is please, LORD... soon!
Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...