As I work on the group proposal for my class, I am doing a lot of personal work as well. You know, working through my issues. I've actually been doing that for many, many years without any firm resolution. Rather, a slow evolution, of sorts. I can honestly say that I am much, much better than I used to be, but I am also nowhere near where I need and desire to be. I am also grateful to God for taking me on this journey, painful as it often is, because I know He is forming me into who He wants me to be. I guess that the unknown can be a good and exciting thing sometimes, because I certainly could have never predicted all of the twists and turns my life would take! I mean, seriously? Romania? MS? Infertility? Adoption? Never in a million years could I wrap my mind around the way it is all playing out if I were not actually living it!
Back to the topic at hand, though. Grief. One of the main reasons I chose this topic for my proposal is that one of my group members in class pointed out that I was really grieving. Her comments made me realize that a lot of people are grieving, just in different ways. Death of a loved one. Divorce. Infertility. Any kind of loss. You see, I am not alone. It is not only me, and sometimes, that mere knowledge is enough to provide encouragement and a certain level of healing. That is why I believe that a group for grief counseling would be particularly effective. There is something very powerful in the mechanism of identification. Especially for women, although perhaps that is because of my own experience and the fact that I am a woman. Call it a bias, if you like. Hey, at least I realize and admit it. ;-)
Anywho, there was a point that I wanted to make. After our group was over the other week, another member of the class, but not my specific group, was having a conversation with me and one other classmate. She made a comment that the grieving process typically takes about a year to go through. Something clicked in my head. Of course, I am still grieving. Of course, I have not completed the process. It is perpetual for me. Over and over again. Month in and month out. Year after year. How could I possibly get over it when it always goes back to the beginning? It is like a bad version of the movie Groundhog Day, and I am stuck oscillating between the steps of anger, bargaining, and depression! Especially the depression. I have definitely bypassed the first step of denial. Yes, I fully believe that this is my current situation. No more denial for me. I haven't quite gotten to the last stage of acceptance, though. I am getting closer, and I have even attempted to cross that threshold a few times. I'm just not quite there yet, but I will get there. I know it. With God's help.
I am still not sure how this project will end up, but I am excited to see how God puts it all together for me! 10 days and counting until due date... :-)
Can anybody tell me why I feel like I've written all of this before??? Have I? Maybe it is just the Groundhog Day experience. LOL!
Living in His JOY, HOPE, and PEACE...